“I think you do.”
I shake my head, the ache in my chest intensifying, and I resist the urge to rub on my sternum. “I’m fine.”
Sebastian scowls at me. “You’re obviously not fine. I should cancel the shoot today.”
“No!”
Sebastian’s eyebrows fly up at my outburst.
There’s a vise around my chest and my heart is beating so hard, it almost feels like I’m having a heart attack. “No, don’t cancel. Please. Santino’s been looking forward to this.”
He narrows his eyes, but before he can argue with me, the bathroom door opens again. Santino stands in the doorway, eyes flicking back and forth between me and Sebastian. I take advantage of the interruption and dart around Sebastian. Santino steps to the side so I can slip into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.
I hear voices on the other side of the door, but I can’t make out what they’re saying over the sound of my own breathing. Why did I think I could do this? That I could ask him for something I don’t normally need and he wouldn’t be curious why. That I could avoid answering his questions without him getting suspicious.
Because you’re an idiot.
I gasp at the voice coming through loud and clear in my ears, so real it raises the hair on the back of my neck.
“Hayden?” A soft knock on the door behind me pulls me back from the brink. The doorknob turns halfway and only then do I realize I didn’t lock the thing. “I’m coming in.”
I step out of the way just enough for Santino to squeeze through. I want to grab him, haul him to me, and bury my face in the crook of his neck until the darkness recedes. But I don’t trust myself not to completely fall apart if I do that. So instead, I wrap my arms around my middle and retreat to the far end of the bathroom.
Santino approaches me slowly. He’s wearing a fluffy white bathrobe that falls to his knees. His legs are bare underneath, feet padding on the tiled floor. “Hayden, we don’t have to do this.”
But we do have to do this. I’ve already fucked things up so much and it’ll all be for nothing if we don’t shoot the video today.
“I’m fine,” I somehow manage to squeak out.
Santino tilts his head with an unimpressed expression. “You don’t look fine.”
I turn away from him and catch my reflection in the mirror. He’s right. I don’t look fine at all. I look like a fucking lunatic with my hair all wild and my eyes totally manic. I squeeze them shut and force myself to take a few steadying breaths.
Soft footsteps on the tile bring Santino closer to me. “If you’re doing this for me, you don’t have to. We can reschedule. We don’t even have to perform together at all. I can do a solo video if that’s better. You shouldn’t put yourself through… this.”
I open my eyes in time to see him gesturing vaguely at me.This. He means freaking the fuck out. Spiraling out of control.
“I just…” I shake my head. Iwantto do this. I really do. I used to love making videos and I don’t want the darkness to steal away something I love. It’s stolen so much from me already, I can’t let it take this too. “I just need a minute.”
I take two steps toward the counter and turn on the faucet. The shock of cold water hitting my face clears some of the haze from my brain. When Santino puts his hand on my back and starts rubbing it, a little more of the fog dissipates.
I can do this. I need to do this. I can’t let the darkness win.
CHAPTER
FOURTEEN
SANTINO
I’ve already decided to call the whole thing off when Hayden straightens from splashing his face with ice-cold water. There’s still something a little manic around his eyes, but there’s also a steely determination that wasn’t there a moment ago.
He turns toward me, water dripping from his chin and the tip of his nose. “You probably think I’m crazy.”
I open my mouth to deny it, but stop when he gives me a pleading look.
“I think, maybe I am a little crazy,” Hayden continues. “I don’t know if I’m depressed or whatever…”
I cringe inwardly at how thoughtless I was throwing that out there. I should’ve been more careful. I should’ve let the fucking professionals hand out diagnoses.
