Karolina's eyes soften. "I'm sorry."
"I blamed myself for years." I stare at my untouched food. "I thought if I'd been better. Smarter. Less trouble. Maybe hewouldn't have been so stressed. Maybe his heart wouldn't have given out."
"That's not rational," Vladimir says.
"Grief isn't rational." I meet his eyes. "It doesn't care about logic. It just exists. And it makes you believe things that aren't true."
Aleksander leans forward. "How did you stop blaming yourself?"
"I didn't." The admission tastes bitter. "Not completely. But I learned to live with it. To carry it without letting it destroy me."
Oleg sits back down. "She won't talk to any of us."
"Because you're all trying to fix her," I point out. "You're telling her it's not her fault. That she shouldn't feel guilty. But she does. And denying her feelings doesn't help."
Dmitri's thumb strokes across my knuckles. A silent thank you.
"She reminds me of you," he says quietly. "When you talk about Riccardo."
My chest tightens. "Yeah. I know."
Vladimir clears his throat. "Thank you. For sharing that."
I nod. Don't trust my voice.
Karolina reaches over. Squeezes my free hand. "I'm glad you're here."
The words surprise me. Warm me.
"Me too," I manage.
Aleksander picks up his coffee. Finally takes a sip. "We should eat. Before everything gets cold."
It's a small thing. Normal. Mundane.
But it breaks the heaviness.
Conversation starts slowly. Vladimir mentions something about the horses. Oleg talks about a boxing match. Karolina asks about wedding plans.
I answer. Participate. Try to be present.
But my mind keeps drifting to Natalia. To the girl upstairs who's drowning in guilt that isn't hers to carry.
I know that feeling too well.
Dmitri leans close. His breath warm against my ear. "You okay?"
"Yeah," I whisper. "Just thinking."
"About?"
"How grief makes us all liars."
His hand tightens on mine again. "What do you mean?"
"We say we're fine when we're not. We pretend we're healing when we're just surviving. We smile when we want to scream."
He's quiet for a moment. Then, "You're not fine either."
