I stare at the stuffed animal.
My throat tightens.
I stretch out my hand and take the rabbit.
Then I tuck it against my arm. The way Lily does. Ears flopping over my hospital gown.
Whatever makes Kristen stay. Whatever she needs.
If she wants, I'll wear a fucking ballet uniform and dance with Lily. I'll learn to braid hair and host tea parties with stuffed animals. I'll do anything. Everything.
Just stay.
Kristen's eyes glisten. She moves closer still, until she's right beside the bed, close enough that I can smell her.
Her.
"Nico." Her voice breaks on my name.
"I know." I don't know what I'm agreeing to. The apology she hasn't demanded. The explanation she deserves. The thousand ways I fucked everything up.
"You almost died." A tear slips down her cheek. "Bruno said you had a death wish. That you walked into that warehouse alone because?—"
"Bruno talks too much."
"Is it true?"
I look at the ceiling. White tiles. Fluorescent lights. Easier than looking at her face and seeing what I've done.
"I wasn't trying to die," I say finally. "I just... stopped caring if I did."
Her hand covers mine. Warm. Gentle. Nothing like I deserve.
"That's the same thing, you idiot."
A sound escapes me. Almost a laugh but too broken to qualify. "Yeah. Maybe."
"I don't hate you." The words come out rushed, like she's been holding them back. "I said I did, and I was angry, and you deserved it because you lied to me, but I don't—I never?—"
"Kristen."
"You made decisions about my life without asking. Just like Jack. And I couldn't?—"
"I know."
"But you're not like him." She swipes at her cheeks with her free hand. "You're nothing like him, and I knew that even when I was angry, and then Vittoria called and said you might not?—"
Her voice shatters.
I squeeze her fingers. Weakly. Everything I do right now is weak. But it's all I have.
"I'm sorry," I tell her. The words feel insufficient.
She's quiet for a long moment. The machines beep. Sir Floppington's ear tickles my chin.
"You scared me," she whispers. "When Vittoria called. When I thought you might die before I could tell you?—"
She stops.
