Nico
My phone lights up on the desk.
Kristen.
For one pathetic second, my heart slams against my ribs. Maybe she's calling to?—
I stop the thought before it fully forms. Crush it like a cigarette under my heel.
She's not calling because she misses me. She's not calling because she changed her mind. She's not calling to say come get me, I made a mistake.
That's not how this works. That's not how anything works in my world.
Still, my hand moves toward the phone like it belongs to someone else. Some desperate idiot who hasn't learned that hope is just another weapon people use against you.
I pick it up.
"Call off your dog." Her voice is flat. Nothing like the way she sounded when she was underneath me, gasping my name.
Don't think about that.
"Kristen." I say her name like it doesn't taste like broken glass in my mouth.
"I saw Claudio. Same black sedan, three days in a row. Did you really think I wouldn't notice?"
I close my eyes.
"You're having me watched." She laughs, but there's no humor in it. "I can't believe you did this again. After everything. After I told you?—"
"I know what you told me."
"Then why?"
Because I can't stop. Because the thought of something happening to you makes me want to burn this entire city to the ground. Because I'm exactly the monster you think I am.
"The Russians," I say. "They know who you are. They know where you live. Claudio stays."
Silence on the other end.
I want to yell at her. I want to tell her to stop being so goddamn stubborn and come back here where I can actually protect her instead of relying on surveillance footage and men parked on street corners.
Come back. Come back. Come back.
The words claw at my throat, but I don't let them out.
"This isn't about control," I add, and even I can hear how hollow that sounds. "It's about keeping you and Lily alive."
More silence.
She doesn't believe me.
Why would she? I lied to her about the debt. I manipulated her custody situation without asking. I kept her in my house under false pretenses because I was terrified of watching her walk away.
And now she's gone anyway.
"Is there anything else you need?" The question tastes like ash.
Say yes. Say you need me. Say you made a mistake.
