She never remarried after my father left. Never even came close. When I was younger, I asked her about it once. Why she didn't date, why she didn't try to find someone. She'd smiled that tired smile and said she'd had "casual things now and then" but nothing serious.
I didn't understand what she meant back then.
I understand now.
Casual things. Sex without commitment. Taking what you need without letting anyone close enough to hurt you.
Is that what I'm doing with Nico?
No. It can't be. Because Nico isn't casual about anything. The way he looks at me, touches me, refuses to let me leave his bed—there's nothing casual about it.
But I can't explain that to Lily. Can't explain why Mommy sleeps in Nico's room now. Can't explain the marks he left on my neck that I've carefully covered with concealer.
The difference, I realize as Liam opens the car door, is that Lily gets to live here too. She's not hidden away like some dirty secret. She's part of this, whatever this is.
My mother never had that. She had to keep her "casual things" separate from raising me.
Maybe that's why she's so determined to see me with Jack. Because he's the safe choice. The known quantity. The man who fits into a life she understands.
"Mommy?" Lily's small hand finds mine. "Why do you look sad?"
I force a smile. "I'm not sad, baby. Just thinking."
"About Grandma?"
"Yeah."
"Is she still mad at you?"
Out of the mouths of babes.
"I don't know," I admit. "But we're going to find out."
Liam starts the engine and my phone buzzes.
Nico: Check your left coat pocket.
I frown at the screen. We've been apart for maybe ten minutes. What could possibly?—
My fingers find something hard and rectangular. I pull it out.
A credit card. Gold. Heavy. The kind that probably has no limit because people who carry them don't need limits.
My name is embossed across the front in elegant lettering.
Kristen Thomas.
What the hell?
Me: What is this?
The response comes immediately.
Nico: Your credit card.
Me: I can see that. WHY do I have a credit card?
Nico: Because you need things. Lily needs things. Tomorrow, Vittoria is taking you shopping.
