“Well,” I begin, tracing my fingers over the squares and sketches on the page in front of us. “This, right here, that’s going to be the entrance hall. And that’s going to be…” I take her hand and lead her a few steps forward. “Right here.”
She takes another look down at the blueprint, as though picturing it in front of her. Her smile widens, as though she’s just beginning to really make sense of it.
“And then, when you come through here, this is going to be the kitchen, and then it opens out into a dining room and living room from there…”
I walk through this imaginary version of the house, explaining every little detail that I’ve been able to glean from the plans. I might not know a whole lot about architecture, but when I see the look on her face, the way it lights up as she puts all the pieces together, I know it doesn’t really matter. All she cares about is being able to picture all of this as it comes together, to see a version of this house that will serve as a home for her and her family.
“…and this will be your room,” I finish up as I come to a halt, flashing her a grin.
She laughs, shaking her head at me. “Trust you to figure out a way to stop right in the bedroom.”
“Well, can you blame me?” I reply, and I wrap my arms around her, drawing her in close. She cocks her head to the side, gazing up at me for a moment, something clearly on her mind.
“What is it?” I wonder aloud, brushing my nose across hers, glad for a moment to myself with her. Not that I minded much sharing her the other night, but there’s something undeniably comfortable about feeling her so close to me, knowing that I’m the focus of all her attention right now.
“Nothing,” she assures me quickly. “I just…I don’t think I ever saw you as the type who would be talking houses and babies and futures, that’s all.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Come on, that can’t come as too much of a surprise,” she points out, raising her eyebrows. “Not with the reputation you made for yourself while you were here.”
“You think that’s still going to stick around?” I remark. “Surely most of the town will have moved on by now.”
“Uh, I think you might have forgotten how this place works,” she replies with a slight giggle. “Everyone remembers everything here, you should know that. And that includes what you got up to when you were living here.”
I groan, resting my head against hers for a moment. “Damn, and here I was thinking that I had gotten away from all of that. You think you can ever forgive me?”
“I mean, we weren’t even together when all of that happened,” she points out, as she rests her arms on my shoulders. “Not that we’re together now, I mean, I just…” She trails off again.
It’s clear she doesn’t quite know how to put it all into words, and I can’t say I blame her. There’s so much tangled up here, so much unconventionality in the way that this relationship has come to pass, but at the same time…
At the same time, as I stand here in this imaginary room with her, it’s hard to care about that at all. I just want to make her happy. It’s as simple as that, and no matter what might have happened in the past, I just want to leave it there.
“So what I’m hearing is that youdoforgive me,” I remark, turning the subject back to something we can both agree on.
“Hmm, I don’t know,” she replies playfully. “I might need a little convincing…”
“Just say the word,” I shoot back, dropping a kiss on her lips. And even as she smiles into my embrace, I can sense something under her skin—something she might not be able to put into words quite yet, no matter how much I try to coax her.
“I just can’t stop feeling like I won’t be enough for you,” she confesses, finally, her teeth resting on her bottom lip. “I mean, you’ve been with so many women before in the past, and now it’s me and three other guys…”
I sigh, smoothing my hand over her head. I can’t say that it entirely surprises me, to hear this from her—I mean, it’s not as though I haven’t earned some kind of skepticism. Most of the women in this town would second-guess me, based on my reputation, but the person that I was then doesn’t have to be the one I am now.
And more to the point, I don’t want it to be. I’m better than that. Well, maybe not better, but different.
“Can I tell you something?” I murmur to her, and she nods, her eyes searching mine.
“Of course.”
“That night when the five of us were together for the first time,” I tell her. “That night—it changed everything for me. Because…because I’ve never felt anything like the pleasure I did on that night. Not just physically, I mean, but that was a part of it—but…it was like I found something I had been looking for, longer than I even knew.”
She stares up at me, letting me fill in the blanks.
“And I’m not going to lie to you and pretend like I didn’t end up with other women in the years in between,” I continue. “I couldn’t just turn off that habit, not that easy. I didn’t know—or at least, I didn’t want to accept it yet, that I had found something I couldn’t find with anyone else. But I know it now. I knew it the second I laid eyes on you again, and I don’t want to forget it, not as long as I live. I won’t let myself. I don’t even know if I can.”
She softens into me at the sound of those words, almost relieved. “What are you saying, Dylan?” she asks.
I smile, brushing my nose against hers. “That I want to be with you,” I reply. “That I think I’m ready to be a one-woman man.”
