The ride back toward the safe house is in virtual silence, all of us alone with our thoughts as we try to make sense of it. It still feels impossible, on some level, though I know it’s anything but. The four of us were with her that night, and it’s not like any of us were smart enough to think about using protection. It almost felt like we were in another world, a world where there were no consequences to our actions—a world where we got to have her to ourselves for just one night before she took off to her new life, giving her the send-off she deserved. But now, those consequences seem to have come in fours, and I don’t know where that leaves me—or any of us, quite frankly.
I brace myself as I climb out of the van, striding toward the door before Dylan can get ahead of me. He’s a hothead at the best oftimes, and this is far from the best. I don’t want him busting in there and throwing accusations and demands around before we get a chance to check on her.
But as soon as I’m through the door, I see Angelie crouched by the couch where the four children are watching her—a couple of them are fussing, but it seems to be more out of concern for her than anything else. And I can’t blame them, because she’s curled up on the floor, her shoulders heaving, her skin stained with tears, her knees drawn to her chest like she wants nothing more than to vanish into herself.
And all the questions and doubt in my mind vanish in a split second when I see her like that. I drop to her side, my arm around her shoulders.
“Angelie, talk to me,” I murmur to her, as the others stream in behind me. Callum heads to the couch, checking on the children, and I rub my hand over the back of her neck, trying to bring her back to the moment.
“I—I—I don’t know…” She breaks down into tears once more, her chest rising and falling as she attempts to gulp down air.
“I think she’s in shock,” I mutter, looking up at Joe, who’s the one with the most medical training out of our group. “Joe, can you check her over?”
Joe nods, dropping in by her side as I stand up. As I cast my gaze over the toddlers in front of me, I get the feeling that the forest fire is going to be the least of our worries in the coming days.
Because whatever is going on here? Yeah, that’s far harder to wrap my head around.
5
ANGELIE
“Oh my God,I’m so sorry,” I mumble, as I perch at the edge of the bed, head in my hands, feeling like the biggest drama queen on the damn planet.
“It’s all good,” Joe replies. He opens the first aid kit on the bed beside me, pulling out a small light and holding it up to my eyes. “Can you look here? And follow the light for me…?”
I do my best to follow his instructions, hoping that if I just focus hard enough, I’ll be able to put aside all the stress and terror that’s running through my mind right now. It’s not exactly an easy feat, given the current circumstances—it feels like my head is going to burst, the sheer enormity of everything that’s happening threatening to tear a chunk out of me at any moment.
“Okay, looks like your pupils are dilating normally,” he murmurs, clicking off the light once more. “I’d like to take your pulse—you mind if I touch your arm?”
I shake my head, holding out my arm for him; he takes it and lays it on his knee, pressing his fingers into my wrist and looking at his watch as he takes my pulse. I don’t take my eyes off of him,wondering if he remembers that we’ve done a whole lot more than just go skin-to-skin like this in the past, but I figure none of us need to bring that up right now, huh?
“Your heart rate is higher than I’d like,” he remarks, and he plants a hand on his chest, drawing in a deep breath. “See if you can take a few belly breaths, like this, okay? That should get you back in hand again…”
I do my best to follow his instructions, but my mind is still spinning out, even as I sit here in the quiet of one of the cabin bedrooms while the others tend to the toddlers. God, that alone is enough to make me feel a little woozy all over again. I had a complete meltdown after the guys left the safe house, everything catching up to me before I could get it under control again. I hate showing this much emotion in front of the kids, but what choice do I have? I’ve just been confronted by the men I never thought I would see again, the people who I was sure would live as nothing more than a memory for the rest of my life. That’s not the kind of thing you can just brush off like it’s nothing.
“Don’t worry about the children,” Joe tells me, as he guides me through a few more breaths. “The guys know what they’re doing.”
“They do?” I reply, digging my brows together, and he nods.
“We dealt with a few—we handled a few evacuations when we were in the force,” he replies, his voice dropping, slightly gruff. “They know how to keep them comfortable and calm, at least for a while.”
I feel my heart rate begin to approach something close to normal again as I search his face. I can sense that there’s more to that story than he’s letting me know, and my curiosity nags at theback of my mind, practically aching for more. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them, and so much has happened—I thought they were still in the military, but now they turn up out of the blue as some renegade firefighting force?
“Well, that’s something,” I murmur. It’s hard to imagine those guys, the ones I knew before, being capable with kids. But then, people can change a lot in a few years. I know from personal experience how just a few little things can flip your entire understanding of yourself and the world entirely on its head, leaving you a different person than you ever thought you could be.
“Your pulse is starting to come down,” Joe adds as he checks my wrist again. I can’t help but notice how small my arm looks in comparison to his hand, and for a moment, my mind is thrown back to the night we spent together, the way he felt so close to me, inside of me. Breath in my ear, hands on my hips, puling me against him again and again and?—
I swallow hard, pushing that thought to the side. Okay, I need to get my shit together and stop acting like some sex-starved maniac just because it’s been what feels like a lifetime since I’ve been with anyone in that way. I haven’t had time to find a new man since we were together—hell, I could hardly string the time together, all things considered.
First, I was dragging my ass through college before the quads came along, then I was in the newborn trenches before I started work again, and had to balance raising four babies with working part-time as a kindergarten teacher. It turns out, not many guys are all that interested in dating someone with a single child, let alone four.
“Yeah, I—I think I’m starting to feel a bit better,” I concede, leaning back on the bed slightly.
He nods, holding out a bottle of water. “Drink this,” he tells me, and I take it as he begins to pack away his medical supplies. “We can head downstairs once you’ve had the whole thing. And then you can get something to eat, panic burns off a lot of calories…”
I rub a hand over my face. I can already feel the guilt stirring inside of me, knowing that the kids are likely as freaked as I am but have even fewer healthy ways to process it.
“I should be?—”
