“Don’t you have something to check in the oven?”
“Since when do you know anything about cooking?”
“I smell something weird.Maybe something’s burning.”
“Fuck!”
Ian leaves immediately.Never bring up anything about cooking with him; he freaks out.I make sure he’s occupied with the oven, then peer out from under the stairs to check if Riley is still upstairs with the baby.I pull my phone from my pocket and dial his number.
I tried calling him five times today.I didn’t know what to say without sounding stupid.It’s been almost twenty-four hours since we said goodbye.I can’t wait any longer.
“Hey,” I tell him as soon as I hear his voice.
He seems nervous.He whispers as if he doesn’t want to be heard.
Something dark and consuming rises directly from my stomach, closing my throat.Then the Doctor tells me he’s not alone, and a cough follows.
A man.I’m sure of it.At his house.For dinner.Maybe even after.
I could slam my fist into the wall and break a few fingers; maybe that pain would be enough to drown out everything else.
“My son is here.”
My sigh is so heavy he must hear it, too.
I’m doing okay, right?It’s not like I have a fucking obsession with the Doctor — what he does, how he talks, when he laughs, when he goes to bed.Or who he might be taking to bed.
I want to tell him I called just to hear his voice, but I’m too afraid.I let the sentence hang between us, hoping I’ll stumble onto another excuse.Turns out I don’t need one.
The Doctor knows.The Doctor understands.
And I’m completely fucked.
Ryan was right.A fucking mess.But I’ll never tell him; he won’t get that satisfaction from me.
I just wanted to call you, Doctor.Because all I can think about is you, me, us, about what I’d like to do and do again to you.I want to fucking see you right now.I want to make sure that everything’s okay, that you have no doubts about me, and that you’re looking forward to seeing me again.
I don’t tell him any of this, or it’ll sound like I’m losing my fucking mind.
He wants to see me.I can hear it in his tone and breathing.Also, I can tell from the way he tries to answer without revealing anything about us to his son.This is our secret, and no one else should know.
I know we can’t see each other right away.I have training and the pre-match rest, and I can’t let myself be distracted by the Doctor, or by my thoughts about him and what I’d like to do to him.I have to stay focused on the match, but later…
Ah, later.There will be only the Doctor for his Captain.
I tell him good night.I’ve already said I’m involved, but I’m still not sure I’ve made myself clear.After the way I reacted to our kiss last night, he should understand.
I slide my phone back into my pocket and head into the living room, where Ian and Riley are waiting for me on the couch.
“Time for dinner?”
“Sit down, Jamie,” Ian says.
“Hmm?”
“We need to talk to you.”
I slowly approach and sit down between them.
