“I’m not like you, Ryan.”
“Of course not.I’m two steps ahead, mate.”
“You wish.”
“You don’t have to be alone, you know?”
I look him in the eye.“I’ve been alone my whole life, Ryan.I really wouldn’t know how to live any other way.”
Chapter8
Martin
Icalled in every favour I had at the hospital to swap my shift this morning.No way was I telling Chris and Evan I couldn’t make it.A first game isn't something a father misses.Living apart from him all these years has meant missing everything that matters.I wasn’t there for his first day of school and didn’t get the chance to hold his hand as he walked to class.I never spoke to his teachers and didn’t know most of his friends.I always had to ask Chris what he liked, and she usually bought his birthday or Christmas presents because I wouldn’t have known where to start.
At first, I didn’t realise it.When Evan was born, we were just two kids, and I didn’t have the maturity to handle it.I buried myself in my studies and lost so much.It’s only now, as I look at the man he’s becoming, that I truly understand the impact of those early years.
And now there’s Ryan O’Connor, who never misses a moment of my son’s life.
Evan is almost eighteen, and it feels like he wants me around less and less.He doesn’t say this directly, but I can tell that I’ve become an awkward presence in his life, and I’m not one of his role models.I can blame only myself for that.There is a significant gap between us, and no matter what I do, it only seems to push him further away.The O’Connors have become his family, and all I can do is watch from a distance, waiting for him to realise that I am always here for him.
I see Chris, Ryan, and little Jamie in the front row, and I walk towards them.
“How is it going?”
“It’s still twenty minutes until kickoff.You’re on time today,” Chris says, and guilt immediately prickles at me.
“I have the morning off.”
“No one needed your precious care?”Ryan is on me in a second.
“They’ll call someone else.I’m here for Evan.”
Chris smiles at me, and I sit down next to her.Then, I look towards the pitch, where I see the teams warming up.
“He was nervous this morning,” she whispers.“He probably didn’t sleep at all last night.He’s trying to look cool, but he’s actually terrified.”
She knows because she’s his mam, always around, reading every shift in his mood.I struggle just to keep up.
“I’m going to talk to the coach.”Ryan gets to his feet.
“Wouldn’t it be better to mind your own business, O’Connor?”I ask, irritated.
“What do you want, Doctor?I belong here, and I do what I want.Besides, Evan’s going to need some advice, someone to give him the right push.And I’m the man for the job.”
Chris sighs beside me as Ryan makes his way to the team bench.
“Isn’t he putting too much pressure on him?Sometimes I feel like Ryan doesn’t even let him breathe.”
“It’s not like that.Evan and Ryan have a special bond.”
“I can see that.”
“You don’t have to be jealous.”
“Jealous?Me?”
“Evan needs a little help, and Ryan knows how to motivate him.After all, it’s about rugby, and it’s Ryan’s whole life.”
