I feel the urge to crawl under the table, across the floor, to get out of this house and away from this unbearable situation.
I lower my gaze, unable to meet the Doctor’s eyes.His stare weighs on me, thick with judgment, as though he’s waiting for me to confess to something I haven’t even done.
It’s as if he’s trying to claim something that isn’t his, even though he has every right to it.
I kissJamie on the forehead, then put on my jacket, ready to go home.I thank Chris for dinner, say goodbye to Ryan and Evan — who are intent on arguing in front of the Xbox — and head out.As I reach the door, the Doctor speaks to me.
“Are you sure everything is okay?”
“Hmm?”
“Your stomach ache.”
“Oh, that.I already told you it’s nothing.You don’t have to be a doctor in every situation, you know.”
“I am a doctor, and I care about my patients.”
“I’m not one of your patients.”
“True, but I still worry.”
“Why?Why the hell do you care about my stomach ache?”
He doesn’t need to know about my illness or anything else.I don’t want to live in his mind; he already lives in mine more than enough as it is.Besides, my thoughts have nothing to do with his health; they’re fixed in one direction.
“You are family,” he says seriously.
What does he know about my family?
“Not at all.”
He bothers me.His interest frustrates me.His kindness annoys me.The gentle way he cares for others upsets me, especially since he rejected me.
The Doctor doesn’t want me.I remind myself.
He reaches out, offering his business card.“If it gets worse.”
“Fuck, Doctor, it’s just a fucking stomach ache!”
“You take it anyway.”
I grab it angrily and shove it into my jeans pocket.Then I open the door and leave Ryan’s house, certain that the miles ahead, the night, tomorrow, and all the days to come will never be enough.
Nothing will ever be enough to rip the Doctor from my mind.
Chapter6
Martin
Ihelp Chris load the dishwasher, then watch my son and Ryan playing Nintendo.
“Don’t let it bother you,” Chris says, sliding a hand over my shoulder.
“Hmm?”
“What Ryan said.”
“I don’t care what O’Connor said.It’s just that… Look at them.”
