I grab his wrists and squeeze them tightly.
“I lost everything.I lost myself, too.I came here because this is the only place with any light.You, you are… Christ, you are all the fucking light.But I’m wrong.I’m a mistake.Still, there’s light here.There’s you.This is the only place I want to be, even if it terrifies me the most.All I want is your love, even if I can’t give you mine.”
The Doctor pulls me close to his chest.
“I still want it.Even if it hurts, I want it.”
“I would never want to give you something that could hurt you.”
“But I can’t do it without it.It hurts either way.”
He holds me tightly, and I melt into his arms, but the fear stays, and the pain is overwhelming.
“Hide me.”
The wall is falling apart, and I know it’s about to collapse.I just hope the dust won’t suffocate us both.
I raise my head and look at him.
“Please,Martin.Will you hide me?”
Now his hazel eyes fill with tears.
“I need you to hide me.Keep me here, please.Let me stay.”
“Shh… It’s okay.It’s going to be okay.”
“It won’t.It never does.”
“I swear it will be this time.”
“You can’t make promises like that.You don’t know… You don’t understand.”
“Do you want to know how I know it will be okay?”
“Because I’m here now, and you don’t have to carry any of this alone.”
“Are you?”I ask, like a child who needs to be found and brought home.
“I amyourDoctor.And I will take care of you.”
Chapter77
Martin
We step into the house, and I help him lie down on the sofa.He’s tense, terrified, and can’t stop shaking.I kneel next to him and take his hand.Only when he feels my touch does he finally look at me again.
Hey, Captain.Not seeing you every day hurts, but seeing you like this breaks me.
God, you’re a mess.What happened?What did they do to you?What’s left of you?
Please, talk to me.Say something, anything.If you reach out to me, I promise I’ll be here.You won’t have to face this alone.
He doesn’t speak.He just looks at me, silently begging me to do something for him.All I can do is keep him close and try to make him feel safe.The only sound in the room is his uneven breathing.Ever since he showed up at my door, I haven’t felt like I can breathe either.
“Hey.”I caress his face gently.“You’re shaking.”
“It’ll pass.”
