“No conquests?”
“What?”
“Come on, Captain.Your reputation precedes you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Everyone is aware of your… success.”
“You’re not talking about rugby, are you?”I ask, instantly regretting the question.
The Doctor gives me a half-smile, then stands and turns away.“Well, it’s been a long day.”
He heads inside, and I search for any excuse to keep him with me a little longer.
I don’t want to go back to my room.
I don’t want to spend the night with my own thoughts.
I don’t want to be alone.
“Doctor?”I call out to him, and he stops.I quickly catch up with him as he turns towards me.When I get in front of him, I realise I’m shaking and feeling awkward, completely out of place.Maybe it’s the emotions of this day, the feeling that I’ve lost everything important in my life, and the sense that everyone else can make it.Everyone except me.
Or maybe I just like the Doctor.
I don’t know how the fuck it’s possible.
And I don’t know how to make him like me back.
He raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to speak as he looks intently into my eyes.His eyes look magical in the moonlight, as if they could hold my whole world and make it more lovely, more livable.But I know it’s not just his eyes.It’s the alcohol, the atmosphere of this damn day.It’s the way I can’t breathe when I’m close to the Doctor, and I can’t breathe when I’m not.It’s the fact that I want the wrong man, and that there’s no way to stop wanting him except to have him in my bed — possibly this very night — before this insane thing becomes a destructive obsession.
I step towards him and raise my arm, brushing his shaggy jaw.His eyes widen with confusion.
I can’t look into them any longer, or I won’t be able to go on.
Before reason returns and the alcohol wears off, I take the wrong step: my hand slips behind his neck.I pull him towards me, and my mouth crashes into his.
The Doctor remains motionless, but my gesture does not frighten him.I am the one trembling, afraid I like this sensation too much: his warm, wet mouth; the taste of whiskey on his lips; his hot breath filling my lungs.
I am also afraid he does not like it at all.
I press myself against him, desperate to control what I’ve started.His hands press gently against my chest, as if to keep me at a safe distance, but I persist in my madness.
The Doctor parts his lips, overwhelmed by my boldness, and I slide my tongue into his mouth.
Christ.
In that instant, my world melts away.Everything shatters in the heat of his kiss, crumbling into useless dust.Jamie,The Captain, is about to drop to his knees on the grass, breathless and weak, overwhelmed by the storm raging through his body.
I try to resist, to fight its fury.
To remain standing.
And then, irreversibly, I fall.
I slide my other hand behind his neck, pinning him against me.His fingers clutch at my shirt as I explore his mouth, intoxicated by his taste; desire floods through my body.
The Doctor doesn’t retreat.Finally, his tongue tangles with mine, and as I feel it seeking mine, I press against him, desperate to ease the ache throbbing between my thighs.
