I nod.My jaw tightens; the words choke me.If I open my mouth, the secret will spill out and tear this house apart as well.
“And… well, I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
Holy fucking shit.
“And the way you look at him.”
Ah, James, you want to play with my life as if I were one of your children, but I have nothing to do with you.
“You heard what we said.”I go straight to the point, trying to put an end to his attempt to settle me down.
“Hearing is overrated.Words are too, half the time.But eyes, Jamie, they tell you everything.And we’ve heard yours.Even Ryan, or he wouldn’t have given him his steak.”
I shake my head.
“When you make those speeches, try giving them to the right person.Don’t pretend they’re for someone else just because you’re afraid.”
“I was talking about Ryan.”
“Sure you were.”
“It’s the truth,” I say, feeling accused as I try to justify myself.
“Whatever you say, Jamie.But look.”He turns me towards the kitchen, where the Doctor has just walked in with Casey.
They’re chatting about something that happened in the hospital as they set the glasses on the counter.Then Casey opens the dishwasher and starts loading it.The Doctor thanks Karen again for the dinner.He’s done that at least ten times already.
“What am I looking at?”I ask, lost.
“Don’t use your eyes this time,” he says softly.“Use something else.I think he’s a bit out of practice.Time to get it going again.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
James doesn’t answer.He turns back to his sons, leaving me there, staring into the kitchen.There’s nothing remarkable about the scene — only the Doctor is in it.He drags everything towards himself: my attention, my energy, my strength, even the blood in my veins.Then he turns towards me, as if he can feel my gaze on him, and smiles.The smile is a little awkward, like it was the first few times, back when I hadn’t yet been an arsehole.And suddenly, the ground drops out from under me.
Am I breathing or panting?Having a panic attack, or just dying?
“You see it now,” James says, without even turning around.
I shake my head, unable to look away.
I don’t just see it.
I feel it.Smell it.Taste it.Touch it.Without taking a step.Without moving a muscle.Or maybe I’ve used just one: the only one I haven’t trained in years.The one that’s suddenly desperate to get back in shape, and fast.
Chapter47
Martin
When I get to the car, I realise someone is waiting for me.
“You’ve been here a while.You left half an hour ago.”
He just shrugs.
“Is it a habit of yours now, hanging around car parks at night?”
“I’ve never done this before.”
