An awkward silence falls over the table.The Doctor’s face flushes, and he starts fidgeting in his chair.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stick my nose into your family business,” the Doctor says.
“You didn’t,” James reassures him.
“Ryan hides what he feels so he won’t seem vulnerable.”The words spill out of me before I can stop them.
I look up and finally meet the Doctor’s beautiful eyes again.
“He puts on a tough act, but in the end, he’s just afraid of his own emotions and where they might drag him.”
The Doctor looks at me; I imagine the rest of the family does too, but I only care about his eyes.I just hope he understands what I’m really trying to say.
To him, and only to him.
“It’s a defence mechanism, the kind that can push you to tear yourself apart with your own hands.But he’s lucky.He has a family who know him better than he realises, who know you never give up, even when all hope seems gone,” I say.
Silence falls again, heavier this time, because it comes after my little speech and because everyone here knows I’m not really talking about Ryan.
“It’s not exactly nice talking about people when they’re not present.”Ryan’s voice cuts through the moment.
Ian immediately stands, but Ryan lifts a hand.
“Not now.I just need a minute.”
Ian sits back.“Take all the time you need.”
Ryan and Chris take their places at the table again, but this time Ryan sits next to the Doctor, with Chris right after.I hope he didn’t do this to stick a fork into his leg from under the table to make him pay for meddling in the family business.
“Nice speech, Dad,” Evan says to the Doctor, absolutely taking the piss.“You made an impression, especially on one person.”
I cough loudly, but no one is paying attention to me.Everyone’s too busy hanging on whatever Evan is saying to his father, and if I can hear it, the whole table can.
“His speech wasn’t bad either, especially considering we all know he wasn’t talking about Ryan,” Evan continues.
Shit.
“Of course not,” Ryan adds, making the Doctor flinch.“He used me for his pathetic confession.”
“And for the record,” Evan drops his voice even lower, “he’s still staring at you.”
Ah, for fuck’s sake.
“Oh, he can’t take his eyes off you, Doctor,” Ryan says.
“Don’t you dare turn around.Keep this tough-man act going.I’d say you’ve hit the jackpot,” Ryan goes on.
“I don’t have to do anything at all,” the Doctor says.
“Apparently, the Captain isn’t as much of an idiot as he looks, if he’s realised what kind of person you are,” Evan says.
Are they actually talking about me while I’m sitting right here in front of them?
“Don’t ruin it.Enjoy the glory, but keep it quiet.Have a bit of dignity,” Evan doesn’t stop.
“Holy shit, Doctor, does your son really have to spell this out for you?”Ryan calls from the far side of the table.
I don’t know whether to laugh at Evan’s deadly sincerity or worry about how freely he’s slinging his father’s business and mine out in the open.There’s serious business here, top priority, and I plan to take care of it as soon as possible.And I don’t know whether to be more afraid of this rare moment of Ryan’s sanity, or of the moment he decides to use it all against the Doctor or against me at the first opportunity he gets.
