I know it’s normal for him to leave, but the disappointment still stings, sharp and heavy in my throat.I like having him here, and I know it won’t happen again.
“I’ll make you something to eat.In cases like this, chicken soup is a cure-all.Trust me.”
“You just got back; you must be tired.”
“I just want to take a quick shower; I smell like a hospital.”
“I’m sure I smell worse than you.”
I laugh, shrug off my jacket, and drape it over the chair by the wardrobe.“It won’t take long.Just hang on.”
“I was bored to death.You don’t even have a TV in your room.”
“I don’t need one.I like to read in bed.”
“So I picked up that book.I didn’t have much choice, so I killed some time flipping through it.”
“And?What do you think of it?”
“It’s a romance.What do you expect?”
I shake my head and unbutton my shirt.The moment I slip it off my shoulders, his eyes darken and sharpen, devouring me, as if he can’t wait to touch me.I ache for his hands again, but I’m afraid it will only make things worse.
“I’m going,” I say, looking away.“I’ll be back in five minutes.”
Jamie nods, settles back down, grabs the book again, and starts reading.I hurry to the bathroom and lock the door, hoping the shower will cool these feelings that already feel too exposed and too wrong.
I getout of the shower and head into the kitchen.I grab what I need from the fridge and stick a pot of soup on for the two of us.I’m wrecked, barely able to stand.I was awake most of the night and, come dawn, I was on the phone trying to get someone to cover my shift, but as usual, there was no one free.
I hadn’t a clue what to do.I couldn’t leave him on his own, and I didn’t know who to ring.He told me he didn’t want anyone notified, and I was trying to respect that.In the end, there was nothing for it but to call my son.
He didn’t take it well at all, and I’m fairly sure it wasn’t just because I dragged him out of bed at six in the morning.
Evan doesn’t like having Jamie around me.My son can be a bit of a hothead, and with some things, he can’t keep his usual distance.He put his foot down with Ryan and Chris as well, but with me, it’s different.Evan is always on at me about who I’m with, what I’m wearing, and how I talk.In his eyes, I can’t do a thing right.
He wasn’t one bit happy seeing Jamie in my house, and even less happy when he found out he’d stayed the night.Still, in the end, he let it go and helped me out.
He’s the only one I can really depend on, the only person I trust to keep something to himself when he knows it matters.
And he knew this mattered.
He saw it before I did.
I’ve ended up as someone’s dirty little secret.I’m hiding away with him in the dark when all I want is to be his light.
Even your thoughts are pathetic, Doctor.
I set everything on a tray and go back into the bedroom; he doesn’t even notice me, he’s that wrapped up in his book.
I can’t remember the last time someone slept in my bed, or the last time I looked after someone I cared about this much.
It’s been a long time since I felt I could be myself with anyone.
Chapter41
Jamie
Isaw you, Doctor.Don’t think I’m naïve.You stopped and watched me, thinking I was lost in this book.But how am I supposed to focus?We’re under the same roof.I can smell your perfume a mile off, five seconds before you appear.Your movements, your little habits — every breath you take lands before my every fucking heartbeat.
