“She died in bed. Alone.”
I let her vent her feelings. There’s nothing I can do but hope that she can eventually let out all the hate and pain inside her.
“There was no one there with her.Iwasn’t there! I was at that fucking school!”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?You’re sorry?!”
She steps menacingly towards me.
“You didn’t see her. You weren’t there. You…” She throws her fist at my chest and I stand there, take it. “You abandoned her – you abandoned both of us!” Another punch: I take this one, too. “She weighed five and a half stone.” Her voice drops, now. “She couldn’t even stand up. She… She couldn’t go to the toilet on her own. She didn’t eat, she didn’t drink, she…”
“Honey…”
“It took her three months to die. And I lay there every night, next to her, hoping that she wouldn’t wake up the next morning because I couldn’t bear another day of seeing her like that. I prayed for my own mother to die!” Another yell. Another punch. “It was me!”
“No, Skylar, no.” I grab her arm and try to calm her down.
“She’s dead, Kerry.” She says it as if she were only just understanding the truth behind her words. The pain in her eyes begins to melt, trailing down her cheeks in hot tears. “And setting fire to that science lab wasn’t enough. Neither was destroying everyone else’s stuff, or spray-painting the walls, or hurting my classmates. Or sleeping with the worst guy in school.”
I feel like I could cry now, too.
“She’s dead.”
She says it again. She needs to say it out loud.
“Yes, Skylar. She’s dead.”
I need to say it, too; and she needs to hear it.
“You’re all I have left.” Her tone is resigned; and she’s right to feel that way. I wouldn’t want to be left alone with me, either.
“I’m sorry. I promise you, I’d rather I died instead.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I try to wrap my arms around her, but she wriggles out of my grasp. “It’s the truth.”
“Why would you want something like that?”
The answer is so clear to me that it almost makes me smile. “Because I’d do anything to stop you from suffering.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you.”
“Really?”
I give in, and let myself cry.
“Come here,” I say, pulling her towards me and engulfing her in a hug. I squeeze her against my chest and kiss the top of her head.
“You’re the most important person in my life.”
I can feel her tears soaking through my hoodie.
“And you’re the only thing that matters to me, okay?”
