“I just don’t want you.”
24
Nick
After I say goodbye to my family, I get into my car, ready to go back to my apartment and forget about my conversation with Casey – and hopefully forget about the huge arsehole I made of myself.
As usual, it was my family’s fault.
Did they really have to invite her to stay for dinner? Ask her all those questions? Treat her as if she were at home? And did she really have to get along so well with them all? Be so at ease? So…herself?
Eight years ended things for us, even though there was never a beginning. Maybe it was just my imagination, a perverse, immature fantasy. Maybe I just wanted to have everything, including things that weren’t mine to have.
Maybe Casey’s right. I’m not someone who sticks around, who lays down roots.
I’m just passing through.
I’m not a future.
I switch on the ignition and let the radio play, leaning my head against the steering wheel. The passenger door suddenly slams closed, making me jump.
“Jesus, Ryan, what do you want?”
I have no intention of sitting here listening to him.
“Don’t make me regret coming out here to pick up the pieces.”
“What pieces?”
“Don’t lie to me, Nick. You’re no good at it.”
I scoff, letting my head fall back against the headrest.
“Have you spoken to your other half by any chance?”
“I didn’t need to.”
“Then what do you want? Just say it – and make it quick, because I want to get home.”
“To do what?”
“None of your fucking business.”
“This is costing me, you know. Seriously.”
“Then piss off.”
“I still haven’t totally forgiven you. It’s not easy, but I’m trying to take a step forward for you.”
“Ryan, not now. Not tonight.”
“You were there for me, when I needed you. Even though I’d have killed you, kept trying to push you away. Now it’s my turn.”
Ryan looks at me, serious and determined, ready to put me in my place, to show me how much he’s grown. To prove that he’s capable of forgiveness, of love: capable of admitting when he’s wrong. Someone who moves forward, instead of lagging behind.
“Don’t you think it’s time to sort out whatever’s going on in that huge head of yours?”
“Hey, cool it with the insults!”
