“You left. You had another life, you made your choice. There’s nothing to explain. You made it perfectly clear at the time – and the fact that you didn’t feel the need to call even once in all that time made it even clearer.”
“I left everything behind, Casey.”
“It didn’t seem like you had anything.”
“I had everything that really mattered. But I was too stupid to realise at the time.”
“No offence, Nick, but I don’t think you’ve changed much since then. You’re still the same.”
“And I’m not enough.”
I sigh again, and it hurts even more.
“Nothing happened. You don’t have to justify yourself. What was it? Just a little fling. One night, a few too many drinks, and a friendship that became…too much.”
“That’s what you think?”
“That’s what you made me believe.”
“I didn’t want things to go that way. I never meant to just disappear like that.”
“But you did. You shut me out of your life. What were you scared of? Did you think that I wanted some sort of control over your life? That I would’ve been ready to stalk you, follow you around, demand something from you? I meant nothing to you then, and I mean even less to you now.”
“I’m not so sure about that anymore.”
“But I am. And, deep down, so are you. Otherwise you wouldn’t have felt the need to just disappear like you did.”
Nick looks down.
“Do you know what I see, Nick? I see your usual quick decision-making, throwing yourself into something and then not knowing how to drag yourself out of it. I see you wanting to have something just because you know you can’t.”
“Is that what you think?” He lifts his gaze and pins me down with his deep, blue eyes. “You think I can’t have it?”
Jesus, Nick.You’ve ruined me. You’ve ruined every chance for me to have a relationship, to let a man make me feel anything; to long for something great, something unique.
You’ve ruined my expectations, my dreams.
You’ve ruinedme, Nick. And you can’t fix me now.
“No,” I tell him. Because he left, taking with him all the joy in my life, all the laughter, all the good times. My damn heart.
“I can’t stop thinking about that night. The last night. Ever since I saw you at the hospital, it’s all I can think about. I’ve thought about it for years. I always think about it.”
Don’t do it, Nick. Don’t say things you’re going to regret. Don’t play around with stupid, naïve Casey.
“I haven’t thought about it for years.” I’m protecting myself. From him, and from me.
“So why do I think you’re lying to me?”
“Because it’s who you are: you can’t accept rejection. You can’t imagine not having your magical effect on women. But you know, Nick, not everyone wants a money-loaded celebrity, a star, a model, or whatever you are now.”
“So what does a woman like you want?”
I take a deep breath and decide to give him what he deserves. I hope it hurts him at least half as much as he’s hurt me.
“Maybe I don’t even know myself, but I’m certain about what Idon’twant: I don’t want someone like you. A nomad, someone who prances around with no intention of laying his roots anywhere. Someone who disappears for eight years. Someone who tells you he’ll come back then leaves you waiting.”
I look him straight in the eyes and lie, like I’ve never lied before.
