Okay. Now I’m starting to understand why Ryan loves this woman. She always knows just what to say to bring you to your knees.
“I don’t…”
“There he is,” Chris says, smiling warmly. “There’s our Nick,” she continues, and as I look suddenly up at her, something inside me starts to move so quickly that it collides into my heart.
How could I have been such an idiot? How could I have lied for so long? Pretended that I didn’t turn my back on the only good thing in my life?
How could I pretend that wasn’t Casey?
Sheisthe only good thing in my life.
“Now you just need to let her find out.”
“I don’t get it…”
“You don’t have to get it, Nick. Someone else has to – and I’m sure you know how to tell her.”
“How? I don’t know how to be different. I’ve always been like this. I can’t change. I have nothing to…give.”
“You don’t have to, Nick. There’s no need. You’re Nick, and she knows that. You just need to love yourself a little more, in a way that lets her love you too. And I’m sure that you have everything to give: and she’s ready to take it.”
And as this angel – as Mum calls her – who came into our lives to save Ryan’s arse, talks to me calmly and sweetly, she makes me feel for the first time ever like I can take on this challenge. Something else starts to shift within me, and this time it really fucking hurts.
When my gaze falls onto her again, as she helps my dad down the steps into the garden, and guides him into a seat next to us, moving around our house as if she had always been part of the family, as if she were the missing piece, I start to understand that I wasn’t the only one lying.
The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision,says her T-shirt today.
And even an idiot like me could get it.
I know what all this means. I know how she feels, howIfeel, and I know that everything that has happened between us in the past eight years is as clear as day.
I know that Casey lied, too.
And I know why.
22
Nick
Casey grabs her bag and heads towards the front door.
“Thanks for coming today, especially on a Sunday,” Mum says to her.
“It’s no problem, Karen. It was my pleasure, I had a lovely afternoon.”
“You could stay a little longer if you like?”
“Oh, I don’t want to intrude…”
“Don’t be silly! Stay and have dinner. We’re having grilled steak, sweet potatoes and ratatouille.”
“Honestly, I don’t want to disturb.”
“Nonsense. The more the merrier! And Ian’s on his way, too, so we’ll all be here.”
“Exactly, it’s a family evening.”
“And you can’t miss it,” Dad says, joining in with the conversation.
