“If you have to.”
“Do you ever regret anything you’ve done? Your choices, your…sacrifices?”
“We’re not going to solve this in five minutes, are we?”
“Can you just answer?”
“I’ve made some bad decisions, as you know, that almost made me lose Riley. And there are days when I want to slam my head against a wall for being such an idiot. But then I think about how all those decisions led to where I am today, to my family, my life… So I guess it means it was supposed to go like that. Maybe we just weren’t ready before. Maybe it wasn’t the right time for us.”
I consider his words for a few seconds.
“That wasn’t what you wanted to hear.”
“I don’t know what I wanted to hear. I don’t even really know why I’m here.”
“Well, it’s not dinner time, so you’re not here to be fed. So it must be something big.”
I take a few sips of my beer.
“Did seeing her take you back in time, Nick?”
I shake my head.
“Am I right in thinking she’s been the only one?”
I breathe, but it hurts.
“Do you wish you could change things?”
“I don’t regret my life, if that’s what you’re asking. It’s just that, I’ve gone back to my apartment and for the first time I feel…”
“Lonely?”
“But it’s nothing to do with Casey.”
“Sure, Nick.”
“I’m serious.”
Ian stretches out on the sofa.
“But…”
“But karma’s playing around with your life.”
“Something like that.”
“Maybe you should stop looking back.”
“What do you mean?”
“You shouldn’t keep dwelling on the past, on what you did and didn’t do… Maybe you just have to keep looking forward, and try to be the person you want to be.”
I look at him, curious. “And what is it I want to be?”
Ian looks at me tiredly, with an expression that tells me he knows exactly whohewants to be. “You should be the one who knows that, Nick.”
Fucking great response. Why do I keep talking to him if the only thing he can do is state the obvious, and make me doubt myself even more?
