“I can’t remember, Nick. I don’t remember anything. The last thing I can remember is the taste of Tequila on my tongue.”
I nod. My memory is more or less the same.
“Then, this morning…”
“Were you dressed?” I ask her, stupidly. “When you woke up this morning, were you…?”
She shakes her head, embarrassed.
“Fuck!” I swear, letting my head fall back onto the table.
“Maybe nothing actually happened,” she tries, but I don’t believe her.
Tequila is a terrible influence.
“Jesus, how could I?”
“It was a strange situation, we were both drunk.”
“Lauren.” I lift my gaze to meet hers. “He’s my brother.”
The pain in her eyes almost makes me tear up – but now’s not the time to be a little baby, to panic and start crying. It’s time to act, to take responsibility for my actions and meet my fate.
Hell gets closer and closer every day.
“We could just pretend nothing ever happened.”
“We can’t lie.”
“It wouldn’t be lying. It would just be leaving out a few details.”
“It’s not a detail, Lauren: it’s a fucking nightmare. For me, that’s lying. I can’t do it. He deserves to know the truth.”
“He won’t be able to bear the truth.”
I sigh. “I know.”
“So why do you want to do it? Don’t you think he’s already suffering enough?”
“That’s not my fault.”
Lauren drops her knee and stands up.
“I couldn’t do it, Nick.”
I nod, closing my eyes.
“I couldn’t marry him.”
“You could’ve told him that instead of ditching him at the altar, disappearing, forcing me to come and look for you.”
Lauren steps away from me and turns to look out the window.
“I didn’t want to hurt him.”
I laugh bitterly. “Well, you really chose a good way to do it. Couldn’t you have told him a few days before? Or maybe not said ‘yes’ when he fucking proposed to you? You know what Ryan’s like. You know how much he loves you, how much he believed in you. Christ, Lauren!” I jump to my feet, losing my patience.
I pace around the kitchen, trying to find an escape route from this disaster – but it doesn’t exist. There’s no way out.
