“He doesn’t want me around, Martin.”
“Fucking idiot,” I hear my dad mutter through gritted teeth.
“He doesn’t know what he wants. But maybe you can help him realise.”
64
Nick
Iget back to the hotel and storm through reception to grab my key. After a long, busy day, I just want to lock myself in my room and slump onto the bed. I’ve been here for ten days and I’ve already had enough. I have no idea what I was thinking when I accepted this fucking job. True, I didn’t have any other work coming in, but I could’ve avoided getting involved in all this shit again. Maybe I just wanted to get away from everything; not to feel the weight of all my actions, to see it reflected in their eyes.
Maybe I just hoped that staying away from Dublin… what the fuck am I saying? I was away for eight years, and nothing changed.
I’m still stuck right where I started.
“There’s someone here for you, Mr O’Connor,” the woman at reception tells me. “They’re waiting for you at the bar.”
“Thanks.”
I grab my key and head towards the bar, poking my head through the doorway and scanning the room, until I see him, sitting there at the counter. I approach him slowly and sit down next to him.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“Believe me, I’ve been asking myself the same thing.”
“If you’ve come here to bring me home…”
“I’ve come to kick you up the arse.”
“You flew ten hours just for that?”
“I’d have flown a hundred hours just to have the chance to kick your arse.”
“What do you want, Ryan? I’m tired, I’ve had a shit day.”
He loosens his grip on his drink and turns to face me. “I hated you for a really long time.”
“You came all this way just to tell me something I already know?”
“Not just because of what you did, but because of the way you behaved afterwards. You were always there, winding me up, treating me like an idiot, someone who was no use to anyone. You got on my nerves, drove me up the wall.”
I listen to him intently.
“And you did all that even before the whole fuck-up with Lauren. To be honest, youalwaysacted like that.”
I scoff, exasperated.
“And then I got it. You weren’t doing it to hurt me; you were doing it to spur me on, to make me react, even though my reaction hurt you. You wanted me to lift my chin and take my life back into my own hands. You did it because you loved me. Because you still do.”
“This little speech makes no sense.”
“But it does – because I’m here to return the favour. To show you all the love you showed me, and force you to takeyourlife back into your own hands for the first time.”
“Ryan…”
“No. No more excuses.” He lifts his gave to meet mine. “I’m not taking any more bullshit from you, Nick. No more lies. I’ve had enough: and I know that you’re tired of it all, too.”
“I don’t lie.”
