“I’ll come if you tell me something first.”
“I’m listening…”
“What was stage four of your plan?”
I sigh heavily. “Why do you want to know?”
“I don’t know. I just feel like it’s the most important stage.”
I lift myself up and move over to her, grabbing her waist and sitting her on top of me. “Actually, it is.”
She looks at me with her deep eyes, and my tongue starts to melt.
“Make you fall in love with me.”
Casey pulls away suddenly, shocked by my honesty – or maybe shocked by the idea that she evercouldbe in love with me. She sighs: a sigh that sucks away in all the air in the room, taking my heart along with it.
One single sigh that makes me realise I’m hers.
“You can actually get rid of that stage.” She smiles at me, embarrassed. “But thereisone little change we’d have to make to it.”
I blink inanely, but I can’t speak. I can’t breathe, either – maybe I’m not even here, holding her in my arms, in my huge bathtub. Maybe I’m still wasting time, wandering around like a useless, brainless dick. Maybe I’ve still been left behind.
“You couldn’t make me fall in love with you again, because…because I always have been. And I never stopped. Not even when you left.”
My heart is beating so loudly that I’m scared it could explode into a thousand pieces, disintegrating into dust.
“And I’ve always been waiting for you to come back.”
I weave my hand into her hair and pull her towards me. I breathe in her scent, crying and laughing into her lips. I kiss her: and my response is in that kiss. All my guilt, my hope and all my regret is in that kiss.
All of me is in that kiss, knowing that I don’t deserve her love.
All the love I want to give her is in that kiss.
I pull away, leaning my forehead against hers.
“How long until you’ve finished your plan?”
“Do you think I give a fuck about any of the other stages?”
She looks at me, one eyebrow raised.
“I have everything I’ve ever wanted, Casey. I don’t need anything else.”
She bites her lip, and I move in to bite it right after, projecting onto her all the words I can never say. Speaking would waste time, and right now, I just want to be inside her. I slide my hands over her arse, lift her up, and place her on top of me, slipping her gently on top of my dick.
Mine.She has to be mine. Right now. And she has to know that I’m hers – that I always have been, and that nothing and no one could ever take that away from me.
Casey wraps her arms around my neck and lets herself go, relaxing her legs and letting me push as deeply as I can. I want to feel her, to show her that, in all these years, I was always ready to come back to her.
She grabs onto my shoulders, pushing herself up and down. Every time I lose myself inside her again, I take a step closer to paradise: myownparadise, that only she is capable of giving me. A paradise I don’t deserve, but one that I want with my whole being; because, deep down, I’m selfish, and I want her to love me. I want her to put me back together again, to straighten out everything that isn’t right in me.
I want her to save me. I want her to help me live with myself.
I lift her by the waist and push her gently away. Now, I want everything.
I lean her back, so her head is resting against the side of the bath. I push her legs back and approach her, circling her pussy with my tongue and sucking it, bringing her with me. Casey moves, agitated, pressing her hands against the side of the tub and throwing her head back. I take her, again and again; I lick the length of her body, eating her. Torturing her.
