“Bastards.”
“Dad didn’t take it well. It was really tough for him. First he was sick, scared he wouldn’t make it. He was afraid of leaving me on my own…” she sighs. “Then everything that happened at work…he was distraught.”
“And you stayed with him,” I say, feeling something expand inside me, overwhelming.
She shrugs. “It’s just the two of us.”
“But now he’s okay.”
“Luckily, yeah. The worst is over. He hasn’t relapsed in three years.”
“But you never went back to studying medicine.”
“I was so far behind. And, like him, I wasn’t the same anymore. Also,” she says, obviously awkward, “the fees were too high, and we still had to pay some of the medical bills. So I decided to do something a little easier, cheaper. It was quicker, too – that way, I could help him get back on his feet as soon as possible. I helped him out with odd jobs, too. He wanted to give me some privacy, my own space, so… Please, don’t tell him. I don’t want him to think I gave up my whole life for him.”
It looks like we all have something to hide. This game of ‘Who’s hiding the most’ can only have one outcome: someone’s going to end up with their heart in tatters. And, unfortunately, I know who that’ll be.
“I had no idea, Casey.”
She looks at me and smiles sadly. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters.” I slide across the sofa, closer to her. I take her hand and lift it, dragging her to sit on my lap. “Jesus, Casey, I’m so sorry.”
I hold her close to me and she leans her head against my chest.
“The important thing is that Dad’s okay. Besides, I found another way to do what I love.”
“And I wasn’t here.”
The words shoot straight out of my heart.
I wasn’t here. I packed my bags and went. I left her behind. I left my family behind. I leftmyselfbehind.
Casey lifts her head slowly, stroking my face and forcing me to look at her. She bites her lip nervously. And I don’t know why, but I feel like I’m about to play the wrong card.
“But you’re here now. You came back in the end, and that’s what counts. I don’t care about the past eight years, Nick. I just care about the ones to come.”
I think feel something inside me snap in half – but I’m not sure. It’s never happened to me before. But a blind pain starts to sear through me, expanding in my chest; it’s screaming, hammering its fists against my ribs. Only I can hear it.
And the noise is deafening.
The pain is unbearable.
55
Casey
Nick stayed with me. We sat like that, cuddled up on the sofa, drinking and talking, as if we needed to find each other again. As if we needed contact with that part of us that had been separated for all this time. I knew that this would happen sooner or later, and it was nice that it happened like that; so organically.
As the sun started to rise, he snuck out the front door. He said that he didn’t feel like clambering down the tree, so, before my dad woke up, I made him escape, as he promised to come back and pick me up for breakfast in a few hours.
“Where are we going?” I ask him as we get into the car.
“To Chris’ café. TheRed Cherry.”
“I’ve never been there.”
“Well, it’s time to fix that.”
