“Not until you fuck off first.”
Casey takes advantage of our pleasant discussion to slip away.
“Casey,” Ryan steps towards her. “I was just thinking that we should have a little chat.”
“Why?” Casey responds, amused.
“In case you decide you’ve had enough of him, or you want to make a quick escape. Or if you need any help, you know, getting your car started.”
“Ryan,” I warn him, my teeth gritted.
“I’d be happy to help you get away.”
“I’m close to ripping your balls off. And I don’t think your other half would be too happy about it.”
“Just say the word. A code word, you know. Like…holy shit.”
Casey bursts into laughter, and I’m overcome by a sudden desperation to grab Dad’s chainsaw and aim straight for Ryan’s crotch. That way, he’ll lose his ballsandbe terrorised for weeks.
“That would never work.” Chris appears from nowhere.
“Why not?”
“Because you sayholy shitevery other word, Ryan.”
Ryan thinks about this for a few moments. “True.”
“As for you, Nick,” she says, turning her attention to me. “Don’t even think about it. He needs those balls: got it?”
“Nick’s always had a problem with balls.”
Oh, fantastic. Evan’s turned up, too. The whole family’s here, for absolutely no reason. No, wait, thereisa reason: to take the piss out of me.
“I think it’s subconscious for him,” Evan continues. “It’s almost like it could give him an inferiority complex if he knows there are too many balls around.”
“Jesus Christ! Don’t you all have a house?”
“Don’t you?” Ryan shoots back.
“Don’t you have a life?”
“Don’t you have somewhere to stick your—”
“What’s going on out here?” Dad appears at the doorway. “Why are you all out there in the hallway?”
“We’re just having a little chat.”
“Ryan. I won’t tolerate any piss-taking in this house.”
“No?” I ask, irritated.
“Not when they’re aimed at me.”
I shake my head, exasperated.
“You can clear out the garage, for that attitude.”
“Fuck, please Dad! Not the garage!”
