“He just told me that he wanted to do it again.”
“So he’s not as big an idiot as I thought. Doyouwant to do it again?”
I don’t respond. I think my expression probably says it all.
“Of course you want to.”
“I just don’t want to ask myself what’ll happen next time. Or how many ‘next times’ there’ll be, you know?”
“You want to keep your feet on the ground.”
“Exactly.”
“Are you scared of getting hurt?”
I sigh. “I don’t want to expect him to stay, then wake up one morning and realise that he’s jumped on a flight to the other side of the world. I just want to enjoynow.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that. That seems mature and rational. But, please, don’t hide yourself behind your logic. You have tolive, Casey: you have to enjoy everything that comes your way, with no regrets. No fear.”
“That’s what I’m planning to do.”
Martin looks at his watch again. “We only have one minute left. Please, just tell me if those photos are real.”
I laugh, getting to my feet. “They don’t do him justice. It’s bigger in real life.”
I leave Martin to his fantasies and go back to work, torn between excitement and fear; but I’m certain that I don’t want to go back, or give this up.
I’ll play to the end. Then I’ll pick up the pieces of what’s left.
42
Nick
“Why are you just standing at the window like that?” Mum asks, appearing behind me.
“You know, just checking the weather…”
“The weather?”
I tear myself away and sit on the sofa.
“Nick O’Connor.”
“What?”
“You haven’t messed everything up again, have you?”
“Me? What?”
“Please, don’t even try it. I’m your mother: I know everything.”
“You’re my mother and you’re nosey. Besides, I’m sure that Ian, Ryan, Evan and the rest of them will have kept you up-to-date.”
“Up-to-date with what?” she asks, falsely innocent.
Sothat’swhere Ryan gets it from.
The doorbell saves me from interrogation.
