“I wanted to surprise you,” he says, moving towards him.
“You’ve come back,” Dad whispers, incredulously.
“I’m home, Dad,” he hugs him, completely engulfing him. He lifts his eyes and meets mine. “I’m home,” he repeats before miming a thank you to me, choking me up.
My father breaks away from him and invites him to come inside, happy to have his son with him, but before disappearing behind the door, he turns to me again.
“Thanks a million, Ian.”
“You’re welcome.”
Dad goes into the house with Ryan while my mother comes over to me.
“Where was he? What happened?”
“He doesn’t remember me,” I reply, ignoring her questions.
“Oh, honey…”
“He told me that he has two children,” I go on, swallowing down the tears.
“You know that he—”
“Yes, I know.”
“Please, Ian…”
“I’ll take care of it. I’ll make Nick come back.”
“You always take care of everything. What would we do without you?”
I don’t answer. What can I say?
“You know that we love you, Ian, we always have.”
I sigh. “Will you be alright now?”
“He’s quietened down. He’ll take his medicine and hopefully rest a bit.”
“Well then, I’m going to go. I still need to take a shower and get back to Nick and tonight there’s a pregame meeting I have to be at, but if you want…”
“No, we’ll be fine. Ryan’s here now.”
Right. Ryan’s here. I know she didn’t mean it like that, that she’s not trying to hurt me, but it does.
I hug her and head towards my motorbike.
“Ian?”
“Yeah?”
“Your dad is so confused at the moment, and I was distracted for a second. It won’t happen again.”
“You can’t be everywhere at once.”
“Neither can you.”
I force a smile. She’s right, we’re similar in that, even if it seems hard to believe.
“I’m off.”
“Take care of yourself, Ian. Please, live your life.”
And my thoughts can only go in one direction.
I get on my bike and head home, going over what Mum said about who I am, what I feel and try to push down, to the image that comes to mind.
Her eyes. Her emptiness.
Something I’d like to rip apart with my hands so that she can’t feel the darkness tearing at my heart.
