“We’re a family. Personal problems don’t exist here.”
“This one is, it doesn’t concern the boys…or you,” I say, shooting him a quick glance.
The coach doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then he turns to the glass door and watches the guys training.
“We’re counting a lot on you. Jamie’s off the team for a bit.”
“I know,” I say, crushed by the pressure.
He turns to me.
“Will you be alright?”
“I’m fine.”
“Remember that if you need anything, I’m here. We’re all here. And if you don’t feel like…”
“Playing? It’s the only thing I do feel like doing.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear.”
“If that’s it, I’d like to leave.”
“That’s all.”
I nod before leaving his office and going back to the gym where I attempt to drown my problems in hard, physical work and sweat like I always have.
To dedicate myself to the only thing I know how to do – rugby. It’s the only thing I’ve got left.
* * *
Three years earlier
I go into the gym and head towards the changing rooms, when a familiar laugh stops me. I turn slowly to see a waterfall of hair, waving over someone’s shoulders.
I squeeze the door handle and walk through, pretending nothing happened, but my legs don’t move and neither do my eyes. And then she turns slightly, allowing me the pleasure of seeing her profile, and my stomach goes up in flames.
“Hey, what are you doing? In or out?” Jake says behind me.
“Huh?” I look at him, confused.
“You’re blocking the door, mate.”
I shake my head and let him pass.
“What’s so interesting?” he asks, following my gaze. “Ah, got it.”
“What?” I snap out of it. “No, it’s not…”
“I can’t blame you.”
I lock my jaw instinctively.
“Hey Ian!” Jamie comes over to us holding her hand.
“Hello again, you,” she says smiling at me.
I try to smile too.
