“Riley…”
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you pity me,” she says, and I feel a stab in my chest.
I breathe deeply to numb the pain that has come back to haunt me and to break my heart.
“I don’t.”
I move to touch her face gently. My fingers run along her features, which relax under my caress, as if they were being moulded by a tenderness I didn’t know I had. The warmth of her skin fuses with mine, and I almost find myself holding my breath in an attempt to control my emotions, which threaten to betray me.
I let my hand slide down, and ask her something I don’t want to know the answer to.
“Do you really hate me so much?”
“Yes.”
One syllable, three letters.
The fucking truth.
“Even though I understand, it doesn’t make sense. It’s not fair.”
No, Riley. The thing that isn’t fair is that you came into my life and stayed there just long enough for me to see you leaving. That I waited too long, like a damn idiot, continuing to hurt myself. That I wasn’t man enough to keep you. That I’m not able to feel anything that isn’t unhealthy and destructive.
And then Riley speaks again, ripping my heart out and setting it on fire.
“It’s just…I miss what we had and I know we can’t have it anymore.” She lifts her eyes to me. “I miss you.”
Breathe.
It’s not enough.
Our eyes lock for a few seconds, and I simply let myself be taken in, closing the door behind me.
I stop to distinguish the line where the green of her eyes fades into blue, setting off a battle with no clear colour winner. I realise I’ve been holding my breath the moment her eyes soften and some almost imperceptible dimples appear at the corners of her mouth. And I can no longer control my heart rate; I’ve been staring at her like an idiot.
I lower my gaze, breaking the contact, but I’m still inside her.
And she’s still trying to survive inside me.
