Epilogue
Riley
Ahorn beeps incessantly outside my house. I open the door in just enough time to flip him off then go back inside to put my things in my bag, ready to go.
I look around a moment and smile at our little hiding place, my refuge, ours, where the only thing we hide from are Ian’s brothers who are always in our space.
But I know he doesn’t really mind, even though he makes a big fuss about it. And I care even less than he does.
After all these years, I finally have a family. A family that listens to me, that loves me and always stands by me. A family I don’t hide from.
I’m no longer alone thanks to the O’Connors, and I never will be. And in a few months, our family will grow.
I still can’t believe it. It’s something I wasn’t expecting. I had the flu, and the antibiotics I was taking cancelled out the effect of my birth control pill: so we have this little miracle now.
The pregnancy is going well, the child is healthy.
After the fear of the initial cramps that sent Nick out of his mind, I started to really believe it and thanks to Ian and his love I’m confident that we can finally have it all: all the things we’ve dreamt of and never thought possible.
I’ll never forget the past. What Jamie and I went through, the years that were stolen from us and the fear of not making it.
It’s part of me, like a brand – even though I tried to hide it in the deepest of places. But when I look in the mirror at night before going to bed, I still feel like the same person, a young girl who was shivering in the cold one winter night, swearing to her brother that they’d have a better life. A life he now has, which I will always be grateful for.
And now I’ve got my chance too. After all these years, I can finally breathe. I can be and feel anything I want.
I can just be the disaster that I am. Because I know that someone loves me for what I have been and what I am now. Someone who feels exactly like I do.
The only thing that worries me now is Ian’s fear. I still feel it in his gestures, his looks, as if I could vanish before his eyes in an instant.
I reassure him every morning when he watches me sleeping, because I know he needs that. So, I pretend to sleep. It’s the only thing I’m still faking.
I pretend I don’t notice his eyes on me, that I don’t hear his sighs and sometimes a few tears as well.
Ian O’Connor is a tough man who’s impenetrable for many, but not for me.
For me, he’s just Ian: the man who faced his fears and changed his life for love. And for that love, he changed mine too.
Ian is the man who has always loved me, even when I was in pieces, even when there was nothing in me to love. He’s the only person who’s always seen me, despite the fact that I tried to hide myself as best I could.
He searched for me, he uncovered me and made me step into the light. If I tried to hide again, he’d find me, because he knows where to look.
I open the door, set the alarm and head to the car, where I find Nick waiting.
“You took long enough.”
“Hi to you too, Nick.”
He makes a face that is completely meaningless because I know he’s not really upset.
“Where’s Ryan?”
He shrugs and turns on the radio.
We cross the neighborhood and head towards the city, passing into south Dublin in the direction of Aviva Stadium.
I’m as excited as a little girl and a bit nervous, too - so much so that Ian voiced his concern at my coming to the game, but it’s his first match on the national team and I want to be there. Jamie will be at his side, he’ll start from the bench but I know he is as emotional as Ian is, and is happy to have him once again by his side on this new adventure.
We sit in our places and find Ryan there waiting for us. I take off my jacket to show off my brand-new jersey. My national team shirt with his name on back.
