“Bring the poor little girl with no family to your house. Make her believe something that isn’t real, give her hope, make her believe that a man like you could really…” I stop to control my voice. “Sleep with me…I should have known. I certainly don’t fit the bill of the sort of woman you usually go out with. I’m a problem, the kind you don’t want anything to do with.”
“Riley, I’m begging you…”
“Do you know why I came to your house that night?”
He shakes his head in resignation.
“My father.” she says through gritted teeth. “He was ill. He called me from jail. He wanted to see me.”
“What…?”
“And I accepted.”
“You went to him?!” His tone is furious.
I nod.
“He wanted to ask for forgiveness. To free himself before he died.” I smile bitterly. “And it was…it was like seeing everything all over again. I was confused, overwhelmed. I was destroyed, and I ran to you like an idiot.” I close my eyes, trying to control my emotions. “You were the first person I thought of. I was afraid, and I thought being here with you…”
“I wish you’d told me.”
“It was a mistake.”
“I – Riley,I’mthe one who made a mistake. If I had known that…”
“What? You would’ve slept with me then?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“That’s exactly what you’re saying. What was it, a big gesture of compassion and pity?”
“What are you talking about?”
“How much did it cost you to screw me?”
“Jesus Christ, Riley, is that what you think?”
“How much did it cost you to pretend, Ian?”
“You’re out of your mind right now. It all seems so wrong at the moment…”
“It is all wrong!We’rewrong! This thing…”
“No, Riley…you are the only thing I’ve ever done right in my life.”
He sets his other hand on the metal. Both of his hands are now at the side of my head.
“How can you say things like that?” I ask him, finding just enough energy to speak. “What am I for you? Something you think you need to fix? Someone to show how big a heart you have?”
“It’s not like that, I swear to you.”
“Well, I hope it was worth it. Did you at least enjoy yourself a bit?”
“For fuck’s sake, Riley!”
“You know what it meant to me to think that I was loved…”
“You are!”
