“I’m fine, Karen,” I reassure her. “It happened a long time ago.”
“I’m sorry, dear.”
“It’s in the past.”
“The past never stays in the past. It’s part of us and follows us right until the end.”
I lower my eyes.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You haven’t.”
“So…?”
“I don’t know, Karen. Thank you for the kind offer, but I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do.”
“I’d be really happy to have you with us - and I know Ian would be even happier.” She smiles, knowing she’s said the right thing.
“I’ll think about it.”
“You can bring your brother.”
“He’s not crazy about Christmas. He prefers to just let it go by, unacknowledged.”
“Oh, poor guy.”
“We’ve been doing it that way for years.”
“I understand, but I’d like you to try something different this year. I’d like you to spend it with thefamily.With us.”
I barely hold back the tears as Karen squeezes my hand tightly.
“I’d better get going.”
“Did you come to town by yourself?”
“Yes, I took the bus in. Nick’s at home with his father so it’s nice to get out. It’s best not to leave him alone. We never know how his days are going to turn out.”
I look at her wrinkling my forehead.
“Well, I’m off – hope to see you at Christmas then.”
I walk her towards the exit. I hug her and then open the door and let her out. I go back to my office, confused by our conversation and with the growing sensation that I hardly know anything about Ian.
This situation is making me very uncomfortable.
* * *
“So, will you come?”Ian asks me later, as we’re sitting on my bed.
He came over after training with two shopping bags full of stuff to eat. He cooked for me. Chicken tenders with mushrooms and baked potatoes. And then he brought two slices of lemon cheesecake. I limited myself to preparing the coffee which we’re sipping now, leant against the pillows.
“Would you like me to?” I ask, looking up at him.
“Are you seriously asking me that?”
“I don’t want it to seem like too much.”
