Ian
Itake a deep breath before stepping out onto the field. Today we’re facing an important match: the Champions Cup qualifier, where the national coach will be making his requests for the player’s roster. I’m not overflowing with hope, I realise I’m getting a bit too old to play, but the dream of seeing my own name on a national jersey never dies.
Today is a day that could have my name written down in the history books and for the occasion, I wanted my whole family to be there, dickhead brothers included.
I wanted her there too.
We huddle up before the first whistle to keep morale high and to plan our tactics. The guys are hyped up and ready to go, but no one is quite as worked up as me.
I’ve never had anyone there for me in the stands, someone who was really cheering for me, someone who would jump for joy with my every tackle, burst with pride at all of my accomplishments.
Of course, my family has always cheered me on, but now someone’s doing it from the heart just because they want to, and not because they had to drive me to training as a kid.
We take to the field and the first thing I do is to look up at the reserved seating, where I know she’ll be, because that’s her place and no one else will ever sit their arse down there.
When I find her, I smile like an idiot, impaled in the middle of the field. When she stands up and makes a small gesture with her hand, my whole world stops, waiting for my heart to start up again.
How the hell did I come this far without her?
How could I think that what I had before would be enough, that I could go on as I was, without love, that I could get by just on sport, the team and my family.
How could I have been such an idiot?
“Hey,” Jamie says jumping on my back and he’s lucky I don’t slam him to the ground. “We’ve got an audience today.”
“The stadium’s packed.”
He laughs and hops off my back.
“The stadium…?”
“Fuck off, Jamie!”
“I like it,” he says in my ear.
“Huh?”
“I like how you are when you’re with her,” he pats me on the arse. “And I like what she is when she’s with you, even if you’re not my idea of the perfect man.”
“It’s enough for me to beherkind of man.” I say in all seriousness.
“Wow, it sure took you long enough,” Jamie waves his arms in the air before going back to the bench.
He’s getting back into training but hasn’t yet set foot on the field. I know how much it pains him to still be sat on the bench and not be able to participate, but he needs to get better to start playing again and avoid any further injury.
I look back once more at the reserved seating section before meeting up with the other guys in the middle of the field. A few seats down from Riley, I see my favorite pair of arseholes, my mum and dad sitting between them.
They’re all here for me. All the people I love. All the people I owe my life to. The ones who haven’t abandoned me, that have supported me, raised me, fed me and loved me.
The only thing I want to do is make them all proud of me, because they deserve it. It can’t be easy taking a hurt, angry young man with no future into your house and giving him a life, a bit of hope and the will to go on.
It’s not easy at all. Just about anyone would fail in their attempt, but they did it.
The O’Connors did it.
I couldn’t be prouder or more honoured to wear their name on my back.
When I hear my name called over the loudspeaker, along with my number and my image on the big screen, I raise an arm, waving to the crowd as my way of saying: yes, I’m a damn O’Connor, and now I’m going to tear you apart on this field.
