“You don’t appear to enjoy talking about it with just anyone.”
“Ian isn’t just anyone, and we both know it.”
“But he could leave, or worse, send me away,” I say as the memory stings my heart. “Come on, Jamie. Ian is a champion, a well-known player on the team. What would he do with someone like me? If he knew everything, if he knew where I came from…” I shake my head at the thought. “Not everyone is ready to accept something like that, to understand it and carry the weight of it. It’s immense, Jamie. It’s oppressive.”
“But you can’t go on carrying it all by yourself. You have to face it, that’s the only way you’re ever going to leave it behind you.”
“I’m not strong enough.”
“You? Are you joking? I don’t know anyone stronger than you. You’ve been my strength all my life. You’ve got it together, Riley. You’re my rock.”
He takes my chin in his fingers and lifts it so that I’m looking him in the eyes.
“You don’t need to be scared. You never need to be scared again.”
I smile gratefully at him. His support means the world to me.
“You can do it and you can be whatever you want. You’re not just this, and we both know it. I’m convinced that you’ll understand when the right moment comes, just as I’m sure that man feels something for you, Riley and that he’s just waiting for you.”
Jamie’s right.
Ian feels something, something strong and frightening. The sincerity in his eyes lets me know that’s true enough. His words help me to believe him. My heart even tends to agree with him.
But my mind is telling me not to do it, that I shouldn’t let myself go and let him bring everything I’m trying to bury down into the light, knowing that it will destroy him too.
