Riley
“Why would you say all of these things after what’s happened? We made love, Riley, don’t you get it? Are you aware of what’s happened between us?” he says, getting to his feet.
He takes a few steps into the room before shaking his head and picking up his clothes.
“I didn’t…think…”
He turns to me and chills me with a look that pours out all of his resentment.
“What didn’t you think? That I would’ve stuck around? That I’d want to know?”
“I don’t know. I was just confused, okay?”
“Youwereconfused? Past tense? What about tonight, this morning…are you even aware of what we did?” he yells furiously at me.
He comes towards me threateningly and bends over me while I try to make myself smaller in front of him.
He could break me with one hand.
“Did you know it was my dick that was fucking you?”
His words hurt me and send me into a spiral of shame and embarrassment.
“What were you looking for? What did you want from me?”
“I don’t know…I wasn’t looking for anything. I didn’t know what would happen,” I mutter as my embarrassment inches up to burn my face and neck.
“You didn’t know? You were the one who showed up on my doorstep!” he says waving his hands dangerously close to me.
“I just wanted…”
“Someone to screw you.”
“What…?”
“You thought a night of sex with the arsehole of the week might be enough to help you turn the tide and lift you out of your sadness.”
This has gone too far. My anger shoves aside the sadness, giving my tongue a shot of courage. I stand up and face him, facing his glare head-on.
“And you? You got what you wanted, didn’t you? A nice lay – better, more than one. Isn’t that the only thing you’re capable of giving, Ian O’Connor?”
My words assault him. The expression on his face changes and the resentment makes space for a different emotion, something much deeper and more ingrained, something that looks like blunt pain. A pain so overwhelming it leaves his eyes and hits me in full.
“I didn’t get everything I wanted! Is this what you think I was looking for? You think it was fun for me…that it was easy? If that’s all I wanted I would’ve taken it a year ago!”
Confused by his words, I shake my head and try to get back in touch with reality.
“I’m still here. I’m here for you.”
Then he rubs his face with his heavy hands in exasperation and takes a deep breath before calming his tone and speaking again.
“I don’t want your body, Riley. I’ve already had it and it almost killed me, slowly and painfully.”
“Then what do you want, Ian?”
“I want more. I want to know what’s going on inside your head, what you’re hiding, what you feel, what…what it is that hurts you.” He hesitates before putting on his t-shirt. He looks at me for a second and his pain melds with mine and its weight is so huge I believe it will crush me.
“I want all of it.”
