29
CIARA
“How do you feel, dear?”
I feel born again in Patrick and Erin’s room. I’ve practically taken it over. We’ve been here for four days, me, my mom and Carl, who comes to visit us every night.
“I’m good, Mom, really. You should go home with the others.”
“I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“Why, do you get the impression that I’m alone here?” I smile and she returns the gesture.
After having spoken with my brother, I feel better. My memories of that terrible night are always present, invading my thoughts, and I’m trying to keep it together the best I can.
The problem is I still don’t feel ready to face the outside world. For the time being, I’m fine where I am, holed up here in this room with my mama and the loving attention from Erin, Rain and Alex, the only ones who pop in to see how I’m doing and if I need anything.
I haven’t seen Aaron in the last few days. I’m keeping him at bay and he’s not intruding on my space. I feel really terrible about it but I’m not ready to accept him being close to me.
“You can’t allow this thing to mark you forever, Ciara. You have been through some terrible things here, you risked being a lot worse off, but what’s important is that Aaron got there in time and that you’re okay.”
Aaron.
Aaron saved my life, Aaron loves me, and I’ve kept him away from me. I’ve hurt him, I’ve refused him. I know how it feels, because I’ve played the starring role, more than once, and I can’t stand the idea of him suffering.
“Where is he?”
“He and the guys are at the pub, but Patrick is downstairs. He doesn’t want to leave you.”
“I don’t need someone to be with me at all times, Mom.”
“Yes, I know that. He’s just worried about you. They all are, honey. They all love you a lot.”
I smile because I know it’s true. These guys are part of the family and I always feel safe and at home with them.
I get up and decide to go downstairs to drink something. I haven’t eaten all day and a cup of tea would hit the spot, at least as far as my nerves are concerned. When I get to the ground floor I find Patrick and Erin sitting at the kitchen table.
“Ciara? What? How?”
“I’m fine.” I relieve Patrick from his embarrassment.
“Sorry, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
Erin squeezes his arm before getting up and going to the kettle, saying, “Can I make you a cup of tea?”
“Thank you.”
“The others are all at the pub,” Patrick starts off uncertainly.
“Yeah, Mom told me.”
“I wanted you to know in case you felt like dropping by.”
“Patrick!” Erin chastises. “Do you really think that’s a great idea?”
“All I’m saying is if she wants to get out, I could take her.”
