4
CIARA
Since that night, I haven’t done anything other than think of him in the state I found him on the roof. He seemed so different, so alone and lost. He was having a panic attack. He was having a hard time breathing and by the look in his eyes I could tell that he wasn’t even aware of where he was.
How long has this been going on? Does my brother know about it? And the others? Has anyone realized what’s going on here?
I don’t know what to do, if I should talk with someone about it or with him directly. I also wonder what happened to that strong sure man everyone counts on.
Aaron and the guys were musicians and were just about to make a big leap. They had been offered a contract, a new album and a European tour. They had just about made it, they had almost overcome their past, their collective difficult past, with little to nothing promising in it, just like mine.
And then there was the accident in which Neil, the singer of the band, died. Aaron’s sister Rain lost her memory and since then she has always had difficulty with language and was not able to go back to teaching and go on with her life the way she had planned it.
Aaron, Patrick and Jay decided to leave the city and open theOnly4You, the pub where they all currently work and were able to buy the house where they all live together.
All of this was done in order to protect Rain, to guarantee her privacy and to offer her a peaceful life away from the spotlight and the press and anything else that could remind her of the life she no longer has. It took about two years, and then Liam, the other band member and Neil’s brother, came back after having been away for a while and giving his solo career a try.
The guys hated him for it because he took off and left everyone else behind, but Liam rolled up his sleeves, earned forgiveness and won over Rain’s heart. It seemed that he had always been in love with her, but she was his brother’s girlfriend and he kept his feelings hidden. Such as it was, his love was so great that he wasn’t able to keep it to himself and now, after many difficulties, they are together and Rain is all the better for it.
Aaron has been taking care of Rain since their parents died. He helped her get through school, he gave her a family and was by her side after the accident, sacrificing his life for hers.
But Aaron is a guy with a heart of gold who has always worked for everyone. He wasn’t there just for his sister, he also helped Jay get back on his feet after Alex, the girl he is in love with, had to face a difficult heart operation and from which she came out a bit weaker, but alive. Aaron was his right-hand man, and didn’t leave him alone, even for a second, and now Jason and Alex are together and they’re happy despite everything. Without even mentioning what he’s done for that ass of a brother of mine who is prone to causing a ruckus and allergic to relationships and responsibility. Aaron’s influence must have been beneficial to him because Patrick fell in love with Erin, this fantastic girl who has given him love, trust and a family. Erin worked at the pub and had found herself in big trouble. She was pregnant by her ex, the guy who had dumped her for an another woman. Patrick was at her side, helping her and taking care of both her and the baby she was expecting until he found that he was completely in love with both of them. Now that baby is just like his own.
Aaron has taken everyone into this house, it’s a big house, sure, but it’s getting to be a bit too crowded. He built himself an extended family, he has acted like the glue holding everything together under his protective wing, offering work, hope and a dream for all of them. And now that they’re all taken care of and happy, now that they’ve resolved all their problems and started new lives with the people they love, what’s left for Aaron?
I can’t help but mulling it all over as I walk slowly with a heavy heart towards home, after having spent the whole day at university. The night has descended quickly and with it, the temperature, and I shiver in my cardigan, holding my arms around my chest. I step up my pace, distracted with my head in the clouds, worried about Aaron and what I saw in his eyes. The emptiness. Total nothingness. A bottomless vortex which seemed to swallow him whole.
I cross the street and hurry up to get home. Today I’ve got to move in with the guys, the wedding is just three days away and us girls are going to take care of the house until the big day and the guys will be going to a hotel. Tonight is also going to be Erin’s hen party—another obligation as a bridesmaid that I wasn’t able to get out of.
And as I walk along the flats in the neighborhood, I reflect that this place has always given me the shivers. It’s not well lit and there’s never anyone on the street, but there are plenty of those dolls with assassin eyes, spying on you from the windows.
I breathe slowly to calm my anxiety when I hear a noise of gravel crunching behind me, as if someone has decided to start following me.
A shiver runs down my spine.
I speed up, forcing myself not to turn around but the footsteps are getting faster and are closing in. It’s hard for me to control my breathing at this point, there is no one else on the street and the lights in the surrounding buildings are nearly all off. Even if someone were there, they wouldn’t go to the trouble of looking out to see what’s happening.
Take it easy, I tell myself,it’s nothing. I turn my head slowly and continue walking. I can make out a figure a few meters away but in the dark, I’m not able to distinguish any facial features.
I do not feel safe. I feel nervous and scared and I start to run by pure instinct as my control snaps and a scream escapes from my mouth. I run as fast as I can and am winded. I want to be faster and more cunning but, in a few seconds, I can feel him. I am being hunted, I am alone and I am frightened.
In my desperate attempt to escape before he can reach me, I trip on a grate and fall forwards. My hands reach out before me instinctively to block my fall, but my knee takes a hard knock and I scream out in pain. I sit on the asphalt exhausted and terrified as I begin to shake and swallow my tears. Someone grabs me from behind and I let out a desperate scream, quite sure that there is no escape for me now but then, that someone lifts me off the ground, makes me turn around and holds me in his arms so tightly that I can’t breathe.
I recognize the embrace.
I recognize the desperation.
—
AARON
“I’m just asking you for a fucking favor, what’s your problem?”
“You should be going to get her, it’s your job, you’re her brother.”
“And I’m asking you to go do it in my place because I have to go pick up the wedding rings and the jewelers close in a little more than a half an hour. I’ll never make it in time.”
Patrick asked me to collect Ciara from home and bring her here because she’s going to sleep with the girls tonight. He had forgotten to go and pick up the rings because he’s a hopeless idiot and now it’s up to me to clean up his mess.
