21
CIARA
Five days have now passed and we’re finally recovering from the wedding. My mother is in seventh heaven because Patrick and Erin are coming home tonight and she can’t wait to get her arms around them.
I haven’t had news from Aaron. He hasn’t shown up, I haven’t gone to the pub despite the fact that Rain has invited me more than once to join them. I need to stay away from that place, from him and all the rest of them. At least until this wound on my heart hurts a little less.
Mom and Carl are going over tonight to welcome back Patrick and Erin and I’ve decided to stay at home alone and will certainly be glad to see them on a different occasion when they pass this way.
I used the excuse that I had some stuff to finish up for school. I know my mom didn’t fall for it. I saw the comprehension in her eyes and I appreciated that she didn’t ask a lot of questions or make a fuss about it.
I gather my things and head towards the exit. After a long day at school with my thoughts obstinately on him the whole time, all I want to do is go home, lock myself in my studio and paint until I pass out on the canvas.
As I open the external door of the building, I realize it’s raining and that, surprise surpise, I don’t have an umbrella or a jacket.
With a sigh, I go out of the main doors of Trinity College, stepping up my pace to avoid getting drenched to the bone but after a few meters I no longer hear the sound of water tapping on my head. I turn around and am surprised to see Mark’s smiling face behind me.
“I saw you make off without a coat and thought I could help out.”
I smile slightly.
“May I walk you?” he asks.
“It’s not necessary, I just live a few blocks from here.”
“I insist,” he adds, as his smile becomes less bright.
“Really, I’d like to be alone.”
I don’t want company, I don’t feel like making conversation and I don’t feel like being subject to another attack. It’s clear to me by now that Mark is trying to start a relationship with me and I’m not able to be diplomatic right now.
My heart is in a million pieces.
“As you prefer, Ciara,” he says, his face going dark. “It’s clear that you don’t appreciate company. Or maybe it’s just me you want to avoid.”
“What? It’s not like that, I assure you. I just need some time on my own right now.”
He sighs in frustration, runs a hand through his hair and then looks at me again.
“There is someone, isn’t there?” he asks, hurt. “Some guy?”
It’s useless to lie and give him false hopes.
“Listen, you’re a nice guy but—”
“But you think of me as just a friend. I’ve heard that line before.”
I give him a forced smile.
“The fact is, I’m in love with someone else,” I confess in a low voice. “I’m sorry, but there’s just no more room in my heart for anyone else. Not now, and not in the future.”
I was rough, but I’m only telling the truth. Despite the delicate and impossible situation, I know for sure that Aaron will always be my ‘one’ even if my feelings are not reciprocated.
Mark’s eyes go even darker and I can see his jaw set at my words. I’ve hurt him, but there’s nothing I can do about it.
I’ve been in love with Aaron forever and I will continue to be in love with him for the rest of my life.
“I’ll see you around,” I conclude, distancing myself from him and making my way towards home before my tears start falling.
