18
CIARA
I am lying down next to Aaron, body against body. I got undressed in front of him, took off my clothes and every other thing because I want him to really see me for the first time.
Aaron holds me to his side and continues rubbing my hair and breathing in my skin. It’s a feeling of being wrapped up in warmth. It’s both intense and reassuring.
There is no desire between us right now, there is no unbridled passion. There is mutual understanding and a need to hold one another with great tenderness.
He’s calm now and his breathing has gone back to normal.
He hasn’t said anything, he’s let me take care of him, and the fact that I saw him in his moment of greatest need is enough for me. He trusted me, and opened his heart to me and let me in. That’s all I asked for.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers into my hair.
“Don’t even say that as a joke. All of us have our moments.”
“Well, it sure seems like I’ve had a lot of them lately, and always when you’re around. I don’t know what’s happening to me.” He sighs in frustration.
“You’ve been too strict with yourself and now you’re paying the consequences.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask nervously, biting my lip.
“There’s not a lot to say.”
“If you don’t feel like it, it’s not important, I just thought it might be good for you.”
“Talking about it isn’t going to change things between us, Ciara.” His words punch me again right in the chest, and even though I’m in love with him, even if I would like to help him, I’m not willing to let him break my heart.
I break away from his arms and the cold hits me immediately. I get out of the bed, pick up the towel left on the floor, wrapping it around me with the intention of leaving the room.
He doesn’t want me. He’ll never want me. It’s useless for me to go on hurting myself like this.
“Ciara, please…”
“That’s enough,” I reply dryly, turning to face him but my apparent self-confidence vanishes in an instant the moment we make eye contact and I see him lost again.
He gets up too, completely nude and the sight of him, like a well-defined statue standing before me, provokes an ache between my legs. He comes close to me, and draws me to him, closing his eyes.
“I’m begging you,” he whispers. “We’re still in time.”
“In time for what?”
“To stop. We just have a few seconds, Ciara, a few damned seconds because when I open my eyes again and see you there…” He sighs in frustration. “I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you.”
I don’t care if he locks me in here with a key!
He really wants me.
“You want me?” I ask him before his eyes are able to confirm what I never would have imagined. “But you refused me. You told me it was all a mistake, that I was like a sister to you, that—”
“It was all fucking lies.”
I’m not sure of anything anymore, I couldn’t even swear to you that my name is Ciara. When he looks at me with those lost eyes my brain just does something funny.
I wasn’t born yesterday and I’m not so young that I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve had a couple of ‘friends with benefits’ situations, but I’ve never yet had any serious relationships. I like having my independence without any ties or complications, as I’ve waited to finally take flight.
