15
CIARA
After having danced for hours with every male guest present at this event, I go back to the table with the girls and the happiest bride on God’s green earth.
The guys have taken the stage and it appears Patrick wants to dedicate a song to his Erin.
I have a drink to cool myself off and also to swirl my mind a little because when Aaron goes on stage it’s with great effort that I’m able to anchor my thoughts to reality.
Patrick takes the mic, clears his throat and addresses Erin:
“I cannot believe that you’ve really done it, Erin. That you’ve become my wife today and that you’ve given me the greatest gift that life could offer: little Lily. I was a man who didn’t know how to love, that would not have recognized love if it had punched him on the nose. And yet, it was enough just having you nearby, living for your smile, to understand that I was wrong about everything before that, that the only thing that I really needed was just that: love. To love and to be loved, was all that I wanted. Thank you for believing that there was something else inside of me, thank you for your smiles that you give me every day and thank you most of all for having become that person for me.”
Rain, sitting next to me, quickly wipes away at her eyes, Alex smiles, moved by the speech, and Erin sends Patrick a kiss from the table. I sigh with emotion and happiness for them and refocus my attention on the stage.
Aaron is seated at the drum kit. He’s taken off his tie, his vest and the jacket and has his sleeves rolled up, exposing his tense, muscular forearms as he holds the sticks in his hands. He does not look up, he just stares at the drumsticks until the music begins and lets himself be transported by the emotion that the music brings. I can see that song is able to calm him, to bring him someplace where he feels safe and is able to be himself, with his vulnerability and insecurities.
Even if Patrick chose this song to dedicate to Erin, and even though Liam is the one singing because he’s the only competent singer in the band, I can feel the words run over my skin, taking possession of every part of me.
All I want is nothing more… To hear you knocking at my door… ’Cause if I could see your face once more… I could die a happy man I’m sure.
I allow myself to look at him, I allow myself to get lost in him and let myself be pulled into the darkness and solitude of his heart that only needs a bit of warming and to be kept in safe keeping.
All I want is… And all I need is… To find somebody… I’ll find somebody like you.
If only he wanted to, if only he would give me a sign, even a small one, I could be that person for him. I know I could. I’m sure of it. And I’m also sure that deep down, he knows it too because of the way he looks at me with sad, lost eyes—I understand that he’d like to be with me, that he wants it with all of his heart, but that he won’t allow himself a chance at happiness.
I could make him happy.
I’m young, it’s true, but I would know how to support him and stand by him.
I’d know how to love him.
So you brought out the best of me… A part of me I’ve never seen.
I’ve seen that part of him many times. I know it’s in there alright, scared and hidden, but I can bring it to the light, I can breathe new life into it.
If only he would allow me the possibility of getting close to his heart.
—
AARON
After having accompanied Patrick in his personal dedication to Erin I feel even emptier and more desperate. I couldn’t help looking at Ciara because I felt the words running through me as if I had written them myself.
For her.
I lean against the wall and massage my temples with my fingers: my head feels like it’s going to explode, my thoughts will not give me peace and the image of her walking down the staircase is hitting me hard, repeatedly without mercy.
“Hey, you’re here!” Erin comes happily towards me with Patrick in tow. “We’re gathering up all the bridesmaids and groomsmen for a dance.”
A dance? With her? No way.
“You know I don’t dance.”
“You are going to tell a bride no on the most important day of her life?” She looks accusingly at me with a raised eyebrow.
I’m completely fucked.
