I firmly believe in destiny, in fate, in lucky meetings and coincidence.
I also believe in love.
It’s the engine that keeps this world moving.
I believe in the white knight and happily ever after.
Aaron is right, I do still believe in fairy tales: the trouble is that I want to believe it and I don’t want to start settling for reality.
I don’t want to be just a distraction for him, something momentary and easy.
I want to be something much more than that.
I’ve seen him go to the wire for his family, his friends and for everyone in these years. I’ve seen him deal with some heart-wrenching blows without ever giving up. I have admired him, watched him from afar and dreamt of him.
My brother’s friends have always been a fixture around our house. They’re good kids who sometimes let their negative sides be seen, but they are always kind spirited and ready to lend a hand.
And they’re also handsome, I won’t lie to you. But I’ve always had eyes for him.
I don’t know when it started, when I realized that I was in love with him. In the beginning, I thought it was just a teen crush. Some girls hang posters of their favorite band on the bedroom walls and dream about kissing the singer. Others watch the same film over and over with the same actor and he becomes her savior from this big bad world. I had his picture hidden away in my diary, which I guarded jealously. Every night before going to bed, I pulled it out and touched it. He’s always had an imposing, robust constitution, a face with sharp features and expressive green eyes, like Rain has, in which I would have gladly gotten lost without ever coming back.
As the years passed my crush grew into something more. I would still blush when he spoke, but I started to look back at him when he looked at me and I didn’t lower my eyes in his presence.
I always tried to sit next to him at the table when he ate at our house or I’d try to sit in the floor next to him when we’d all watch a movie together. A couple of times, I touched his fingers when we both went for the popcorn at the same time. He’d look at me and smile and I melted like snow in front of him.
What I felt for him grew day by day with no way of avoiding it, and I was unable to stop it, even if I tried.
I started going out with a few guys to try and get some kind of reaction out of him, but the only thing I got was Patrick’s ire. My brother Patrick, who thought no one was good enough for me.
Then, there was this whole thing with the music. The guys were starting to be recognized in the streets and the girls were going nuts over them. Patrick was a bit of an asshole and took advantage where he could, but the others weren’t like him. Especially Aaron. They came from a tough place and they were grateful for every moment, every new breakthrough, every new album sold.
Aaron used to be happy in those days. And I lived in the reflection of his happiness. His smile opened my heart and made my legs quiver.
He’d stop by our house frequently. Despite the fact that their lives had changed so quickly, the boys were all connected to my family. He spent a lot of time with us. He talked with me, smiled at me, made fun of me and I, silly fool that I was, hoped he felt something for me.
I’ve always been in love with him and no one has succeeded in replacing him. Years have gone by without changing that situation. And now, after having touched him and kissed him, after having fallen asleep by his side, I’m convinced more than ever that no one ever could take his place.
Aaron will always be the one.
The one I’ll never have.
—
AARON
“This tie is choking me.”
“You can make an effort for one day.”
The wedding is tomorrow and the pub will be closed for three days for the occasion. That’s a good thing, we all needed to take a break.
This morning, we’ve all got to try on our outfits for tomorrow. Jay, Liam and I are all groomsmen and are wearing matching suits—dark, elegant and oppressive.
I look at myself in the mirror as Jay and Liam do the same, while I try to loosen the knot in this tie that is trying to lynch me.
“Dude, calm down. You’re not the one getting married!” Jay teases and if we weren’t friends he’d make a nice therapeutic punching bag for me.
“I’m not wound up, I just can’t stand this tie.”
