Our lips almost graze one another.
One more breath would be enough, just one more.
I try to fill in that shiver of excitement that I feel instead of throwing myself at him like I did in the car the other night. I also have a little bit of dignity and I don’t want to make myself seem ridiculous in his eyes.
“I don’t understand what’s happening to me,” Aaron says, crushing this moment.
“It’s just anxiety. Perhaps you are really stressed out for some reason at the moment and your body is sending you some alarm signals.”
He moves away from me and leans his back once again against the door.
“I’m sorry that you always catch me in my worst moments.”
I smile at him.
“Ciara… first of all—”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
“I don’t know what came over me. I saw that guy there with you and I lost control.”
“Aaron—”
“Come on, have you seen that guy? He’s a puppet, a fucking jackass… What are you doing with a guy like that?”
“He’s a friend.”
“A friend? Judging by how he was eating you with his eyes I wouldn’t say he shares your opinion of the situation.”
“Even if you were right, Aaron, it wouldn’t be any of your business. I am none of your business.”
The effect of his words on me has been like a cold shower and I get to my feet and turn away, resting my hands on the sink. Aaron jumps up too, just a step behind me.
“Ciara—”
“Don’t do it. If you really don’t want me, then don’t do it. Don’t play around with me.”
“I’m not playing. I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing, believe me.”
“Whatever it is, you need to knock it off right away.”
Aaron lowers his head and stands silently behind me as I watch his reflection in the mirror. I sigh and turn around to face him with the intention of leaving and this time he doesn’t stop me. When I open the door I can hear him mutter in such a low voice that it barely registers: “I can’t have you, but I don’t want you to have anyone else. What I’m saying doesn’t make any sense, I realize that, but the very idea that someone else could even touch you drives me out of my mind, Ciara.”
“Well, that’s not my problem,” I reply drily, without turning around and biting my lip to avoid the tears.
His words and his actions are fighting it out between themselves. It’s dragging me down into a spiral of heavy sighs, sleepless nights and days spent dreaming with open eyes.
But I’m not a little girl anymore and I can’t allow myself to be pulled down into this senseless vortex.
I have to make a clean break from this shit, right now.
I have to bury this feeling I have by any means necessary before he drowns me.
—
AARON
Ciara takes off, leaving me alone in the bathroom. I’ve put up a hell of a scene. I spoke to her like a possessive, jealous idiot, as if I had some say over her actions, as if she is an important part of my life.
