And I jump on the bar counter, ready to leap over it and rush across to this guy and break his face and everything else in my way, but Jay grabs my shirt, forcing my backwards.
“That’s not a good idea, Friend.”
I nod and close my eyes, leaning against the bar counter.
“You need to deal with this,” Jay whispers. “Don’t cause a scene before the wedding and not during it either. Can you hear me? Either go to her and tell her very plainly that you were an idiot or drop it and mind your own business. Is that clear? No bullshit, Aaron. We all need a bit of break from that shit, for God’s sake!”
I nod again, breathing in slowly and realizing that Jay is right. I was the one with the final word on this topic before we could even get started.
I made my decision.
To fix this problem. I have the solution.
So why can’t I stop eating my own stomach and liver at the sight of him breathing on her neck?
And then Ciara raises her glance just a bit, but it’s enough to catch me staring at her.
Now is the moment I should stop looking at her like a fucking deranged maniac. I should just go back to my job and never think about her in the arms of another man again. Because she could leave with this guy and… Shit. Don’t think about it.
Ciara continues looking at me with an insolent air and eyes, double-dog-daring me to look away. I’m the adult here, I’m the one who said I wanted nothing from her. I should lower my gaze and let it go.
Right.
Let her go.
With him?
Not a chance.
If that jackass wants to walk outta here on his own legs tonight he’d better walk out that door alone and forget about her, her name and all other dirty thoughts that are going through his mind right now or I’ll pummel him.
Don’t look at me like that, Ciara.Please, let it go.
Let me go.
Don’t feed this thing… don’t provoke my heart because I can feel it, it’s here beating and pushing me, trying to advance its own agenda, but the heart’s reasons are no longer reasonable.
You let go first because I’m not able to do it right now. I’m not in control of my instincts, which are screaming at me to jump over the counter and rush this guy and bring you away with me.
Oh Lord, how have we gotten to this point?
How have I gotten here?
The girl does not desist. She will not. Because she’s understood that the strong one between us isn’t me. That I’m not the one laying out the rules of the game, that I have no control over this emotion that is making me lose my mind along with another part of me, a very significant part.
She won’t let go because she’s read me from the inside, that night on the roof. And again, yesterday evening when I tried to pull off that bullshit. And now, I’m revealing to her that she’s taken possession of my mind, that she’s running in my veins, poisoning my blood and my soul, not to mention the word heart. She’s testing out the flavor of it in her mouth as she slowly comes to realize, with every minute that passes, that she’s got my heart in the palm of her hand.
She knows that it’s hers and that I can’t have it back.
And who the hell wants it back?
She can have it, she can do what she wants with it, because if I can’t have her, I surely won’t need it anymore.
Let me go, Ciara.
Now.
Or I won’t be able to go on lying to myself.
