It would appear that our relationship will not go back to how it used to be, it’s useless to pretend nothing happened. Aaron is embarrassed and uncomfortable around me.
“I have to go or I’ll be late.”
“Ciara, please. I’m doing my best, believe me.”
I turn to look him in the eyes. “You don’t have to do anything because nothing happened. It was nothing important, a mistake, right? Just a little stupid episode,” I say, sounding less confident than I would have liked.
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“You didn’t.”
“You don’t hate me, do you? I couldn’t stand it if you hate me.”
His words are like a violent attack on my ears.
“I’m leaving, see you tonight,” I conclude, getting out of the house as quickly as possible.
God, that was stupid of me. I didn’t think before acting. I saw a chance to finally make him mine and I jumped at it without reflecting.
Now I’ve lost his friendship. I’ve lost the intimacy we had. I’ve lost the chance to be any part of his life in order to risk having a bigger part.
I can’t turn back the clock and I can’t erase what’s been done.
And now he asks me not to hate him.
Even if he told me that it was a mistake, that he feels nothing for me, that he would use me for sex and get rid of me, I could never do it.
I could never hate the man I love.
—
AARON
Ciara shoots me one last glance before heading out the door, leaving me alone with the feeling that I’ve just thrown my only chance at happiness to the wind.
The second the front door opens, Liam and Jay make their way in from the back door, entering the kitchen. Jay shakes his head as Liam looks outside where Ciara has just left before turning to me.
“You’ve done it, haven’t you?”
“Done what?”
“Pulled off some of your usual bullshit.”
I huff and pour myself another cup of coffee.
“I thought there was something there between you.”
“Well, you were wrong.”
And that’s the truth, isn’t it? There really isn’t anything going on between us.
“Ah Liam,” Jay says, patting his shoulder. “So big, so strong, so childish. As usual, you don’t understand shit.”
I pretend I’m not listening to them because I already know exactly where Jay is going with this. He’s going to make me feel worse than I do now and then leave me alone with my doubts and my sense of guilt. It’s useless to avoid it or try to get him to shut up, he’s just going to do it anyway.
“Would you guys help me understand something?”
“Okay, I’ll explain it to you with simple words,” Jay continues. “Aaron likes Ciara and no, don’t look at me like that my friend, you’re so obvious it makes Patrick seem subtle. Do you really believe no one picked up on how you were looking at her the other night? We’re not that gullible.”
