“Okay, that’s enough. There’s nothing going on between us, okay? Nothing.”
“If you say so… But I can see the way she’s looking at you and it’s not like a brother.”
And so saying, he points to the table where the girls are sitting, and I can see Ciara looking at me with her big eyes from behind her glass.
“It certainly didn’t start here tonight, my friend. We all know that Ciara has had a crush on you for years and that you enjoy having her around…”
“Stop it right now! She was just a little girl!”
“But she’s not a little girl anymore, Aaron. Now I know you do think about it.”
“No. No, I don’t think about it at all. I’m too old and screwed up. And she is young and… free.”
“As opposed to what?”
“As opposed to me! I’m a disaster. I’m a bit too old to be playing happy couple, for romance, for—”
“You’ve resolved everyone else’s problems and you’ve never thought about yourself in all of these years. Don’t you think the time has come to do so now? If your hesitation is about Rain, rest assured. I will never leave her. She is everything to me.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Well, break it down for me then.”
“It’s that I don’t think about it.”
“About what? About her?”
“About women in general,” I say through my teeth, giving him a furtive glance.
“Well then, Patrick was right! And I thought he was just trying to wind you up! Aaron, I can understand it if you’re attracted to men…”
I shake my head.
“For goodness’ sake, I’m not attracted to men. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have a hard time saying it. Honestly, I’ve never thought about having anyone, of having any kind of a relationship. These things aren’t for me.”
“But it seems like you’re getting the hang of it, though, aren’t you?”
Once again, my head snaps up to look at him. Am I seriously thinking about it? How the hell could this happen? When you realize that a person you’ve always had around you as a friend could be thought of in an entirely new way?”
“Can I ask you something?” I say.
“Shoot,” he says confidently, pouring himself a drink too.
“When did you understand that Rain was… When did you understand that she wasthe one?”
I’m not sure I really want to hear the answer, because this is my sister we’re talking about. But Liam is always discreet when he talks about their relationship, while still being sincere about it.
Liam shoots Rain a loving glance and a wink before answering me.
“I’ll tell you the truth, friend, I’ve always known—from the first time I saw her. But I was certain about it one day when I looked at her and my legs went weak. And from that moment I wasn’t able to look at anyone else in the same way, for no one else has the same effect on me. I don’t know if you can understand me…”
Huh. I wish I didn’t,I think, turning to look at her, and I have to grab onto the bar in order not to fall over.
When did all of this happen? How did it happen? Why am I realizing it only now? Where was I before?
Busy, weighed down, or too engaged in breaking down all chances for my personal happiness. And it’s not as if I feel much differently now.
My life is such a train wreck that sometimes it’s really difficult for me to make it through to the end of the day. I am always thinking about a million different things, weighed down by negative thoughts and the burden of the responsibility that I carry.
How could I ever give myself to someone? What do I have to offer another person? I’m not able to open up, to say how I feel, to talk about love or the future.
No, it’s not for me. I would ruin it all. Every hope, every dream.
I can’t do that to another person. I never would. I couldn’t drag another person into this disaster that I call my life.
No one.
Especially not her.
