He was very clear in telling me that what happened between us was as a result of a weakness, that it should never have occurred. He clearly doesn’t feel anything for me, apart from a fraternal sentiment which I have no use for.
“Hey Patrick!” Liam calls Patrick to the stage. “Let’s go play a few songs. Waddaya say?”
It seems they feel like playing tonight, so apparently we’ve got the full-service package.
The others come back to the table, eager to hear the boys’ performance. As if they didn’t hear them play every damned day.
They start the first song and I don’t pay it any attention. I’m lost in my thoughts and I don’t feel like looking at the stage because I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to hide what I’m feeling right now.
And then something happens.
If I’m so wrong (so wrong, so wrong) … How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long) … Now will it matter after I’m gone? … Because you never learn a goddamned thing.
And I turn to look at the stage just to see him looking at me, and the determination I see in his eyes shoots down every hope I had inside.
You’re just a sad song with nothing to say.
God, Aaron, isthatwhat you really think?
So, go-go away, just go, run away.
Where am I supposed to go? I’ve been here waiting my whole life.
If you had any idea how much I’ve waited during these years, how often I’ve thought of your lips, your hands, and dreamt about you holding me in your arms. Just me.
How much I wished you would look at me just one damn time like you did tonight and not just like a girl whom you regard as a little sister. How many times have I compared you to others, looking for some little gesture in them that I recognize in you: a smile, a look… How many times I’ve taken a pass with those others because there is just no comparison with you.
If you only knew what I feel for you.
If only you could see what I’ve got in this damned heart of mine which has never really been able to be completely free and truly love anyone.
No one but you.
—
AARON
“What was that?”
Liam approaches me as soon as we step off the stage.
“Huh?”
“You understood me.”
“What the fuck are you saying? Just spit it out.”
Liam pulls my arm and drags me behind the bar counter, making a gesture for the others to clear out.
“What the hell do you want, Liam?”
“I want to know what you’re doing.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Aaron… I love you, you know that?”
And from the first words, I’m fearing the worst. When Liam starts up with emotional stuff there’s no escaping.
