33
CIARA
“Close your eyes, okay? Don’t open them or Aaron will kill me.”
Rain guides me into the pub. I’m here because today it’s my birthday and the boys have insisted that I should celebrate it with them.
The pub has even been closed down for our private event. I feel emotional and even a bit embarrassed. They never close down. The customers are likely to torch the place if they can’t come out and drink for one night, and yet the boys wanted to organize this night for me.
I feel surrounded by the warmth of my family and this other family to whom I am equally tied, even though there’s no blood bond.
Seven weeks have passed since Aaron and I have started over with this new thing between us. He comes to the house to visit me and hangs out with my family. He sits on the carpet in the living room like old times, watching TV all together, and when we both put our hands in the popcorn bowl at the same time it’s without embarrassment but with love and trust.
I’ve also been here at the pub a few times to listen to them play and hang out with them. We are living this period of time as it should be. Not in a hurry, without fear and with the honest desire to be together and enjoy every moment.
Aaron is attentive and thoughtful. He’s sweet and it’s hard to believe, I’m really not used to seeing him like this, but I like it. It makes me feel good and loved. With his tender gestures, his nearness, respect and all of the little details.
With every part of him.
“Mind the step,” Rain suggests as the door closes behind me. “And now… Open your eyes. Happy Birthday, Ciara!”
The place is full of my family, every member. There are hundreds of colorful balloons hanging from the ceiling and walls, banners wishing me a happy birthday.
The tables have been pushed out of the way, leaving just a few in the middle which are covered by food enough for a banquet. I bet my mom is responsible for preparing all of this, as usual.
On the side is another table full of gifts.
People approach me one by one, offering their good wishes and it’s hard to hold back the emotion.
Everyone is here for me.
Him too.
He comes to me after the others have had their turn and squeezes my hips with his hands, pulling me up against him.
“This is not your first birthday we’ve spent together,” he whispers. “I’ve always been at your parties but never like tonight, never like right now. This is the first of a series of days we’ll spend together because I am not willing to renounce anything, especially regarding us. This is for you, Ciara. It’s not a lot, I know, but I am trying my best to learn how to be the man you deserve to have. I hope to succeed pretty quickly.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and rise up on my tiptoes. “You’re already that man, Aaron O’Donovan. You always have been.”
•••
We all gather around a table and eat together. We laugh, chat and live every moment that passes and I feel just full of happiness, swollen with love and the weight I always carry is a bit lighter.
When the time comes to blow out the candles Aaron encourages me to make a wish. I don’t really have one ready. I’m feeling so good I would almost feel guilty wishing for more.
And yet, there is a little something I want.
I close my eyes and blow out the candles and everyone breaks into applause.
After the cake, the guys take the stage to dedicate a song to me. I take my place at the table between Rain and my mother and wait for the show to start.
Aaron clears his throat and takes the mic.
“Uhm, I’m not good at these things so, forgive me. I’ll let the music speak for me like I always have done until now. Life has taken a lot away from me but has paid me back in equal measure, as I’ve been lucky enough to find this family, these friends and you. Ciara, you’ve given me new life. You’ve brought me light and dreams for a future and I hope I’ll be able to repay you as long as I’m alive for every unforgettable moment you’ve given me.”
I bite my cheek and Rain takes out her Kleenex, passing one to my mother on my other side, who is crying.
I may not have the softest touch… I may not say the words as such… And though I may not look like much… I’m yours… And though my edges may be rough… I never feel I’m quite enough … It may not seem like very much… But I’m yours.
