Jason opens his eyes and smiles at me.
“Sorry,” I mutter, embarrassed.
He sits up.
“Don’t be sorry, you can look at me anytime you want,” he says wickedly, flashing his dimples.
I bite my lip, trying to hold back the emotion that’s about to take over. I can’t wait any more or I won’t be able to leave this room. If he kept me here even one minute more, I’d beg him to keep me and not let me go, to hide me and not make me face this. But I have to be strong and ready. I owe it to him and to myself. I have to fight with courage and determination to have other nights like this one, other moments like the ones we just had. To taste every crumb of his love with my lips.
“I have to go,” I tell him. “My father will be here any minute. They are waiting for me at the hospital.”
“Alright, I’ll get dressed and come with you.”
“No.” I stop him before he can get up. “I would prefer that you didn’t.”
“Alex…” He sighs in frustration. “I can’t leave you alone now.”
“I’m not alone and that’s not what you’re doing. You are closer to me than anyone else and always will be, even if it’s not so physically. But I prefer to go with my parents. My mom is coming today. There are going to be doctors and nurses and needles.” I am overcome with sadness.
“I can’t stay here while you’re in the hospital. I already feel impotent, let me at least be there to hold your hand, to—”
“Please!” I interrupt him. “I want to remember this…me and you. I don’t want my last memory of you to be tears and worry.”
“Alex—”
“Please do it for me. I promise that I’ll call you as soon as I have news.”
He shakes his head and gets up, putting his jeans on and comes towards me without even buttoning them up. He takes my face in his hands.
“I don’t like it, but if that’s what you need, I’ll do it. I’d do anything for you.” He kisses me sweetly. “Just, don’t do it, okay? Don’t shut me out. Because we’re in this together.”
“Together,” I repeat, next to tears.
The vibration of my telephone interrupts me, letting me know that my father is downstairs waiting for me.
“It’s time,” I say, moving away from him and heading towards the door. I grab the handle but before I can turn it Jason is behind me, hugging me and hiding his face in my hair.
“As long as you’re with me, everything will be fine. I promise.”
I nod without turning, pretending to believe him.
“And if something goes wrong? If I wake up and I’m not the same? Or it doesn’t work and they can’t find an alternative? And if—”
“And if I kissed you now?”
I turn to him, confused.
“If I kissed you now to make you stop with all this bullshit. Alex, I loved you before, when we didn’t know anything. I have loved you all this time and I love you now, as you are and with everything that it implies. I could never stop.”
“I don’t want someone who takes care of me, Jason. It’s not right.”
“I’ll tell you what isn’t right, that you think I want to take care of you when all I want is to love you. Everything else is decoration and I’m not interested in fucking picture frames, I’m interested in what’s inside of them. That’s what you are.”
Then he kisses me, slowly. He kisses the corners of my mouth, my lips, one by one and then my cheeks. He kisses my tears.
“Jason,” I whisper into his mouth.
“Yes?”
“Tonight was perfect. I could not have imagined or hoped for anything better. You are absolutely perfect. I feel so lucky. I never would have given my life to someone else. I want you to know it. I have always loved you only. Thank you for having been my best friend and for having given me these moments straight from your heart.”
“Alex…”
“And thanks for having beat up Rick Murphy, who deserved it.”
We both laugh before my phone vibrates again.
“I have to go,” I tell him, sliding away from his arms.
And as I go down the stairs and through the door of his house, I feel my heart exploding with love and feel like there is an excellent reason to stay and fight.
