She shakes her head and smiles again.
“You shouldn’t do it, you know? You shouldn’t be taking time off work, and not playing your music just because of me.”
“I haven’t given up anything, Alex.” I sit up, forcing her to lean into me—her back against my chest and I hold her from behind. “You are the only thing that matters to me.”
“Jason…”
“That’s how it is. I can’t go back in time but I can try to make up for it now.”
“You’re already doing that.”
“It’s not enough.”
She turns to me to caress my face, giving me one of her love-filled smiles.
“Thank you for this. For being here, for not running away…for wanting me with you, despite everything. For these moments…”
“Anything for you.” And as I say it I realize there is no truth that is more devastating.
Because it’s true, I would do anything for her, even ripping my heart out of my chest to substitute it with hers if that would help keep her alive.
Because what the hell would my life be without her?
When we were away from each other, I didn’t have a life and I know that after having experienced everything I have with her there would be no turning back for me. Not after having kissed and held her, seeing her smiles and her tears.
Not after having understood what love is and how strong it is. How total and absolute it can be, capable of covering everything, healing everything and cancelling out every fear.
Able to overcome anything.
Even death.
—
ALEX
“You have plans for tomorrow night?”
Jason and I spent all afternoon lying in the grass until the sky decided it had had enough of the sun and sent it packing to be replaced by some dark clouds, leaving us with a beautiful view to look at.
We walked along the River Liffey hand-in-hand as the evening began to fall around us.
“Sure you don’t want to go back to the pub?”
“Nah, they’re doing fine, believe me,” he says, before leaning down to kiss my cheek.
“You hungry?”
“Not really, to tell the truth.”
I’ve been having a hard time eating lately.
“Alex,” he begins in a worried tone. “I know you don’t like being asked continually how you are…but darling, I don’t know how to tell you, the thing is you’re really, really thin.”
“I know.”
“I can’t help but worry about that.”
“It’s the medicine that takes away my appetite and gives me nausea.”
