I don’t think I’ve ever slept as well, or so peacefully before and I ask myself now how I could have deprived myself of these intimate moments, this love for all this time.
Why we denied ourselves to each other.
We kissed, touched: we breathed one another in and I felt comfortable with it all, so sure and loved.
Live for me.
His words made both my legs and my heart tremble because I know he means every word of it. He is sincere and desperate. But how could I blame him?
I get up gingerly from the bed without making any noise, so as to not wake him. I slip on his sweatshirt that smells like him and I wrap the sleeves around my waist so I can continue to feel his warmth on me through the fabric. I open the door carefully and go to the bathroom to wash my face and as I look at my reflection in the mirror, I like what I see—for the first time in years. I don’t want to give this up.
I leave the bathroom without looking in front of me and run right into something. I look up and see Patrick’s sleepy face.
“Umm…good morning,” he says, still dopey and scratching his head. “I didn’t know you were here. This house sure is getting crowded.”
I smile at him and pass by with the intention of going back to the bedroom.
“Alex?” he stops me. “There’s some freshly made coffee downstairs, or if you prefer, I can make you some tea.”
I nod and go downstairs. Patrick arrives a few minutes with Lily, who rests her head tenderly on her daddy’s shoulder.
I have to admit that seeing Patrick like this is so strange to me. He’s always been such a…well, asshole. But it seems like he found the right woman in Erin. Knowing that Patrick fell in love with her even though she was pregnant by another man really fills my heart with joy.
It can’t have been easy for him and I understand his love for this woman must be truly incredible. For her and her child.
“I think tea would be better,” I tell him, preparing a place at the table in the kitchen. He gives Lily a tender kiss on the forehead before setting her in her stroller, where she’s still sleeping blissfully.
I know that Erin goes to university in the morning and that he takes care of the baby and he does it so well and so willingly that I could just cry at the tenderness of it all.
He puts the kettle on the boil and prepares me a cup of tea. Then, he turns to me and I snigger at the sight of his T-shirt that has the words: ‘I am a dad with tattoos. Just like a normal dad, but cooler’ and his bulky tattooed arms shoot out from under the shirt adorned with words and images. It’s the same on his neck and probably elsewhere on his body.
“You want something to chew on? Some toast, or an egg?” He brings me back to the present.
“No thanks, I’m good.”
“Shouldn’t you…eat something?” he asks, sounding a bit embarrassed, without looking me in the eye.
He’s right, of course. I should, but I always feel nauseated in the mornings and prefer just having a tea. If my father knew, he’d be shocked!
“I’m not hungry,” I say and close the question. He hands me my cup and sits down in front of me with his coffee.
“So,” he starts off, “you and Jay…”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Okay, listen, I’m not good at these kinds of conversations, you know, with words, bullshitting around something and all that stuff women love, but I am making an effort here, so try to meet me in the middle.”
His face is strangely worried.
“You’re afraid for him,” I guess.
He nods.
I knew it. Patrick always seems to be out of this world and that he couldn’t care less when it comes to anything about anyone else, but I know that’s just his way and that in fact his friends are very important to him.
“I’m worried about him too,” I tell him.
“Yeah, it’s a big problem.”
